(no subject)

i never did intro here, so here goes.

- charli
- 26
- queer
- femme
- betrothed
- from texas
- living in alaska
- mentally ill .. seriously
- uhh.. that's all for now

any questions, just ask.
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    cold current temp: -29 f
Tinkerbell

do you.......

Inspired by Noisy and the other people in my life that dont want anyone to know..........do you guys feel ashamed about your depression? I think I feel ashamed about the fact that I spent 3 months in the mental hospital one summer during highschool, but I think its because Im afraid people will stop talking to me because Im "crazy" if they find out.

So why do you not want to tell people about depression, etc?

Here goes..

I'd write my name here, but in fear of anyone finding out who I really am I guess I cannot do that. So, you can call me Noisy Reality :P I am here as the community name suggests, because I have nowhere else to turn. I have recently come to terms with my depression but I cannot let go. I hope to meet honest people that I can trust, that may be able to help me and In turn I shall lend them an ear or whatever else they need. I have many issues I feel I need to overcome, you can read the somewhat pathetic roots of my depression in my journal.

Thanks for listening.
whip

Amazing - Aerosmith

I kept the right ones out
And let the wrong ones in
Had an angel of mercy to see me through all my sins
There were times in my life
When I was goin' insane
Tryin to walk through
The pain
When I lost my grip
And I hit the floor
Yeah, I thought I could leave, but couldn't get out the door
I was so sick and tired
Of livin' a lie
I was wishin that I
Would die
chorus
It's Amazing
With the blink of an eye you finally see the light
It's Amazing
When the moment arrives that you know you'll be alright
It's Amazing
And I'm sayin' a prayer for the desperate hearts tonight
That one last shot's a Permanent Vacation
And how high can you fly with broken wings?
Life's a journey not a destination
And I just can't tell just what tomorrow brings
You have to learn to crawl
Before you learn to walk
But I just couldn't listen to all that righteous talk
I was out on the street
Just tryin' to survive
Scratchin' to stay
Alive
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    content content
Tinkerbell

Last Night

So last night, after Bryanna went to bed, I fixed myself a nice cup of camomile tea, and after that had relaxed me, I actually worked on meditating and Im happy to say last night was the first night I didnt have any rape dreams. I tried writing while Bry was fingerpainting to get rid of the thoughts and it didnt work, so instead of writing, weve both been fingerpainting.......mine are angry looking and hers are innocent...but for the most part ive been able to keep my mind off of things. Bryanna must be sensing somethings wrong with mommy cause she hasnt given me 5 minutes to myself. :)
Outcast

People Are Odd

Inspired by Char's entry below...

Isn't it strange how if someone says, "I am depressed, please help" most of us have suggestions for other people, but we are still depressed ourselves.
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    groggy groggy
Tinkerbell

Depressed

Im having a hard time battling my depression recently and I know what its being triggered by, but I just cant fix it. That and my dreams that are a part of it are back. Jim registered as a sex offender, and its really weird having the guy who raped me for 3 years living 25.6 miles away. I just cant fix that and while I know he can never contact me, Im concerned about running in to him. Hes only 18 miles from where I work, and I just get terrified that I will see him somewhere and have a complete and total mental breakdown. The other sucky part is since Im pregnant I cant take my tranqs for the dreams, or my mood stabilizer or my anti depresent. I never thought I would actually want to take my cocktail of pills. The other scary thing is he lives that close to Bryanna. What if he runs into me and sees her and wants to hurt her to get back to me. I know Im being completely unrational but its just stuff that goes through my head.

Does anyone know anyway to battle depression without meds? Its making me a horrid person to be around.