Leander (laguz_godin) wrote in _nowheretoturn_,

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"and I don't love you anymore....it never was"

I miss you now
As I lie here unasleep
As I stare up at this ceiling
remembering things that go too deep,
I miss the days of those dreams,
of the memories I keep.

I miss the things you used to say,
and the times I watched you sleep
it isn't all these old dreams
catching up with me,
it's all the new ones
that I have just begun to see.

It isn't the way the air feels,
so cold but just so right,
it's the way the dawn is creeping,
and how it's just midnight.

It's the way I promised,
I'd always be there,
the way I said "you're mine,"
the way if felt,
to kiss you,
and to hold you tight.

It's how I remember,
that you said I could stay,
that you said we're family now,
it's the way I thought
I could always depend
on the fact that you never said "for now"
it was always in the future with you,
or always in the past,
living in the present wasn't important to you,
until my heart became last.

When I became the last thing to you,
when my dreams came tumbling down,
when I became just another mistake,
and the things we said were past
and the way you looked when you said,
"some things are forgotten and some things just end,"
I knew right then what you really meant,
and I stood broken and bent,
waiting for the other shoe to fall,
and the words you said then,
"i'm not happy, and my life isn't with you,
and though I love you still,
I've fallen into a deep dark well
and you can't help me out."
You went on to say, covered in my tears,
that the world I knew was my own creation
and I knew then that I would be a girl lost in isolation.
I couldn't believe what you were saying to me,
as my heart got lost in my tears,
but I believe what I see,
and you were lying to me,
cuz you'd fallen out of love with me long ago,
and now the crux of the matter,
you'd found someone else,
and home for yourself,
that didn't include all our dreams,
they didn't even include me.
I asked for the truth,
and you slithered with lies,
as my eyes got ahold of your private smile,
there were no tears from your end of the deal,
and I paused to think of.... why?
And I knew it then
you'd be gone in a blink of an eye.

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