Faith (wesleys_slayer) wrote in _nowhereland_,

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I couldn't believe Wes. Fucking asshole. Still hadn't changed a bit since SunnyD. What a fucking shocker. When he turned his back on me like that? Yeah, I knew he was trying to test me and shit, but he'd already done it to me once, offering his arm.

Like I'd bite him even if I was starving.

My head, though, was hurting bad. Damn voices were still there, but this wasn't the way Angelus or even Bleach Boy had talked about it. Nah, this was all different. Guess they'd made up some extra-special version of a fucked-up soul just for me. I eyed B talking to Fred and just shook my head.

Of course, it wasn't like she was the only one to blame for all this shit. Actually, it was Willow's if you wanted to get down to it. She was off talking to her little dyke Slayer wannabe, and I thought about killing her. The girl, not Willow. Hey, I was hungry and stuck with the White Hats for now and I knew for damn sure that they were underestimating me, thinking that just cuz some soul was shoved up inside me that I was this thing of beauty.

I'd heard the stories about Angel with a soul -- he sure as hell wasn't the savior these fucking idiots thought he was.

I needed to hit something. Or someone. Or just... fuck! I couldn't think right. Things were so clear after Angelus had changed me. I was let outta jail by Wes with a mission that was shaky at best, led by people who didn't give a fuck about me. Willow fucked it all to hell and it hadn't been the same since. Yeah, sure, most of that was my doing, seeing how I'd decided to go join Angelus.

Right now, though, I wasn't even sure why I'd done it.

Summer... I remember killing, slicing, raping her and some other sluts with Angelus at that dorm room and I felt... nothing. Nah, that's not true. I felt happy. Like it was what I was supposed to be doing and shit. And hey, I never asked to be a fucking leader so it wasn't like I really questioned much.

I should've, though. I'm the strongest one, in case B and her little friends forgot. Hell, in case Angelus forgot, I kicked his ass too. Why the fuck wasn't I in charge? I think, mainly, cuz I was just floating along. Like that fucking feather in "Forrest Gump", y'know? Just floating through life, unlife, whatever. Course, I'd been that way forever, so maybe I just hadn't seen a reason to change. But now? Now everyone I'd killed was in my head but I was hungry. I couldn't remember shit about that last fight -- not even which side I'd been on -- and I was alone here.

They stuck the soul in me cuz they wanted to use me, like always. I was a tool to people. I was the badass slayer, or the kinky vamp, or whatever. No one cared about Faith. Hell, no one knew Faith.

Maybe not even me.

Fuck this shit. Thinking like this made my brain hurt more than the voices. Without deciding exactly what I should do here, I at least decided what I should do next. Walking up to Willow, I yanked on her arm and pulled her away from the wannabe. Sighing, I nodded at her, waiting for an explanation, then finally just outright asking her.

"Why the fuck did you do it? Why did you give me a soul? You of all people should've known better, Willow."

((Open to Willow))
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