Author: Phoenix Arrival
Classification(s): AU, Drabble
Warnings: Incestuous relationship implied
Summary: A character can't voice his regrets.
I sit alone again tonight wondering what you're doing. Are you sleeping? Not if I know you, you're probably pacing around, nerves on edge, muscles taunt and ever ready for a battle that's not coming. I don't know if I ever told you, but you're breathtaking when adrenaline is screaming through your veins.
I could see you if I wanted to, but maybe I shouldn't, it always seems to upset you and that's the last thing I want to do tonight.
Insomnia isn't anything new for you, you've dealt with it before, but this time you seem to suffer with it more and I know it's my fault. I'd love to tell you I'm sorry, but we both know that's impossible now.
I remember how you would lay beside me and sleep, one arm tucked under your pillow, the other across mine that rested over your waist. You always seemed so relaxed, so at ease and I'd give anything to have those nights back again.
Has it gotten any easier, being on your own again? Do you ever wish we were still together? Do you miss me when the nights seem unbearably long and quiet? Do you ever wish you could go back and do something different?
I stand and pass unseen down the corridors of the palace. The same path I've walked a thousand times seem so alien to me now. I shouldn't be doing this, I should leave well enough alone, but I can't tonight. Call me weak, but I want just one last look before I go again. I pause at the door, hesitating for only a moment, then pass through.
I look for you in the livingroom, but you're not pacing the floor like I thought you would be. Maybe you're finally getting some sleep tonight and I turn to leave. A forlorn sign catches my attention and I seek the source. I find you, sitting at the foot of the bed with your head down. I want to comfort you, reach out and touch your hair, but you rise and the moment is gone.
I watch you walk to the window, oblivious to me. I wonder what you see when you look out at Esthar. Do you find its crystalline architecture beautiful?
I turn instinctively, but you're the one who answers.
"Not now, Kiros."
"I know you don't want to be disturbed, but Ellone's here."
"Tell her," you pause and my heart aches as you close your eyes again. "Tell her I'll meet her in the office in a few minutes."
I watch Kiros walk out then turn back to you. As you raise your head and look up to the night sky, I wish there was something I could do to take the pain out of your eyes. I wish-
"I just miss you, Laguna."If I could cry, I would. You've never been good with words, you've never expressed your emotions very well, but you did then. I watch you leave then close my eyes. I'm ready to go and I whisper that I'll always be with you.