Bean (ihatepickles) wrote in _meanwhile_,
Bean
ihatepickles
_meanwhile_

This is to ALL of you.

Can't we forget about all the LJ bullshit, and just start over..?
I mean, there are so many reasons and miscommunications that go unexplained here..

Stella, we've said before that friendship is a "two-way street". Yes, it is, and you know that. And we know that we don't try anymore either... but the key word is "anymore". I'm not getting angry here, I just want to point out that we did try for a while.. but the calls and the emails and whatever else weren't reciprocated. Maybe we were bad friend for giving up, I don't know. But we did.

I support your decision to delete your journal if that's what you want to do. But don't do it because we don't comment. That may or may not be your reason.. but I just wanted to say that. We do read it, and we do take in whatever happens to be directed toward us or tells us about what's going on in your life. We just hardly comment because your life seems never to involve us anymore.. Which is okay. That's just the truth.

I just really want to start over.
Forget about LJ spats, forget about who called who last... Just start over. I want things to stop being so fucking heavy, you know? We should be having fun at this point in our lives, not reliving high school drama. No offense implied.
I want to feel no guilt or pressure or anxiety or anything when I'm bored and just want to call one of you or stop by and see what's up.

I know I'm being selfish, but that's what I am right now. That's my blunt honesty.
I want to you know if you guys are willing to let it all go and start over. No more excuses and no more girly fucking talking behind each other's backs. It's getting old and I'm getting desperate to know who is there for me and who isn't anymore. I want to actually relax when it comes to my friends.

Carol, I know you're on a break right now, so I don't know if you'll even read this for a while. And that's totally fine, I understand your needs right now. I'll let you come to me whenever you're ready. I'll always be here.

But Katy, Stel... I just need to know how it's going to be.
Are we all together, or are we not?
I'll understand, either way.

Gah!! Sorry that I'm talking in circles, but I'm getting so frustrated with the way I'm learning a lot of female friendships seem to go. Over analyzing every word and action, talking behind each other's backs, walking on eggshells before we speak because we're afraid of the reaction we might evoke... I'm sick to death of it.

You should all know that I'm trying to change pieces of myself. I'm learning to be bluntly honest, and I'm trying to have as much fun as I can. I hope none of you take any offense if I have iffy plans with you, but I end up doing something else because it was for sure. Or if I come over but it's only for a little bit because I'm doing something else later. Who knows if any of that will actually happen, but I want you to be previously warned.

I'm babbling now. I'm sorry. I'm going to stop now and await your replies.. Please, just tell me something honest.
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