(no subject)

rar. whasup ya'll?
i hope everything's good on yer side.
they're alright here.
going to work. very soon.
happy 4th, early.
i'm going to be baking like crazy. so i suggest you come over and eat my sweets.
you are all invited.
so come. because i love.
and love because i come?
oh that's dirty.
well, have a good day.
i love and miss my ladies.
we should ALL hang out soon.

This is to ALL of you.

Can't we forget about all the LJ bullshit, and just start over..?
I mean, there are so many reasons and miscommunications that go unexplained here..

Stella, we've said before that friendship is a "two-way street". Yes, it is, and you know that. And we know that we don't try anymore either... but the key word is "anymore". I'm not getting angry here, I just want to point out that we did try for a while.. but the calls and the emails and whatever else weren't reciprocated. Maybe we were bad friend for giving up, I don't know. But we did.

I support your decision to delete your journal if that's what you want to do. But don't do it because we don't comment. That may or may not be your reason.. but I just wanted to say that. We do read it, and we do take in whatever happens to be directed toward us or tells us about what's going on in your life. We just hardly comment because your life seems never to involve us anymore.. Which is okay. That's just the truth.

I just really want to start over.
Forget about LJ spats, forget about who called who last... Just start over. I want things to stop being so fucking heavy, you know? We should be having fun at this point in our lives, not reliving high school drama. No offense implied.
I want to feel no guilt or pressure or anxiety or anything when I'm bored and just want to call one of you or stop by and see what's up.

I know I'm being selfish, but that's what I am right now. That's my blunt honesty.
I want to you know if you guys are willing to let it all go and start over. No more excuses and no more girly fucking talking behind each other's backs. It's getting old and I'm getting desperate to know who is there for me and who isn't anymore. I want to actually relax when it comes to my friends.

Carol, I know you're on a break right now, so I don't know if you'll even read this for a while. And that's totally fine, I understand your needs right now. I'll let you come to me whenever you're ready. I'll always be here.

But Katy, Stel... I just need to know how it's going to be.
Are we all together, or are we not?
I'll understand, either way.

Gah!! Sorry that I'm talking in circles, but I'm getting so frustrated with the way I'm learning a lot of female friendships seem to go. Over analyzing every word and action, talking behind each other's backs, walking on eggshells before we speak because we're afraid of the reaction we might evoke... I'm sick to death of it.

You should all know that I'm trying to change pieces of myself. I'm learning to be bluntly honest, and I'm trying to have as much fun as I can. I hope none of you take any offense if I have iffy plans with you, but I end up doing something else because it was for sure. Or if I come over but it's only for a little bit because I'm doing something else later. Who knows if any of that will actually happen, but I want you to be previously warned.

I'm babbling now. I'm sorry. I'm going to stop now and await your replies.. Please, just tell me something honest.

your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams

i don't want you guys to take this the wrong way, but i'm leaving the community. i'm not leaving what is left of our friendship in anyway. it's just that none of these posts have included me as of lately and when i read that, it really does hurt. i'm not going to say that i don't understand why, because i really do. i understand it completely. but it still hurts, a lot. so i'm going to do what i think is best and leave it. i'm sorry.

You both need to know...

Dear Jeni, and Katy.

I just have to let you guys know that I need some time to myself. I have alot of figuring out to do. I have had alot of hours at work, and figuring out car shit and what not. Im not saying i don't have time for you, because god knows I have plenty. I am going through some things and I need to be on my own for awhile, independent. Figure out my place in this place. Im sure we all go through this once in awhile. But it will be awhile before I can hangout, and be with you both again. I want you to both know that I will be back, if your willing to just hold on. I appreciate you both always caring, and calling. It makes me feel good to know your there. Just give me some time. Let me make some changes. I have alot of healing to do. I need to, I don't want to end up hurting someone over problems that have nothing to do with them.

Im sorry I didn't call you in person, that's just the way I am, I know I should of because who knows if one of you will read this or not. Im sorry.

If either of you though, are ever in any kind of emergency, and despretaly need me, please let me know. Im still open, just not as much as before. I am always here to help you if need be.

Katy, I hope everything turns out ok with your bunnies, and your dads leg, and your moms sickness. And your classes, and... you.

Jeni, Im sorry about those stupid annonymos posts, thats really shitty. If I knew who it was, I would knock there front teeth out for you. I hope you figure out what it is you want, and are looking for. And I hope everything goes ok with Greg, and your mom, and your sisters.

You guys are strong, Im sorry I didn't let you guys know earlier. It's been hard. Im sorry for the way ive been. Well now you know, and that's good at least.

HOLD ON TO EACHOTHER, BUT LEAVE AN OPENING FOR ME, because if you will let me, I will be back...



(no subject)

hey ya'll.
what's up? not a whole lot here. doing homework, being bored.
i have a presentation, maybe today, maybe thursday.
let's hope i don't have to go today.
PLEASE don't let me go today.

i can't believe school is almost over.
sorry jen and carol, you still have a while.
but you're not in too many classes, so hopefully they'll go fast.

i can't wait til the summer.
it's going to be fun stuff.

i hope work is okay for all ya'll.
and i hope home isn't too horrible of a place as well.
as i've said before, you can always give me a call, email me, whatever.
i'll listen.
and i'm always here.
well until next week wednesday.
and then i'll be home!

but you know what i meant.

one week and then i move out!
how weird is that?!
i hope debbie stays at oakland, because we're rooming together again if so.
i'm excited about that.

if ya'll aren't busy next wednesday, and want something to do, i'll be packing up and movin' out.
so give me a holler, and i'll put you to work. lol.

well, i really should finish this presentation and paper. i have class in an hour.
so i'll talk to you gals later.

i loves yous.



So girlies,
Ive been sick. :( But I am getting better. I hope to see you at Katy's show, hopefully. lol. I went to class finally, and Jen wasn't there. Lmao I thought it was hilarious. haha. Ok all bye bye for now. Thanks for updating Katy. And for the cool new look!!!

(no subject)

hey girls.
i hope you all had a great easter.
i love and miss all of you.

technically, this weekend is our weekend.
i just wanted to let ya'll know what's going on.
friday and saturday this week,
i have two choir concerts.
they're both at 8 pm.
so if ya'll wanted to plan around that, cool.
i'm up fer it.

i will have to do homework sometime in there.
if i have to do it friday and sunday, and leave saturday to sunday morning open,
cool. that's fine.

the only thing i can really suggest for this weekend,
would be going out and enjoying the weather.
cuz i don't know about ya'll, but i am going to milk it, yo.
but please, email me, call me, comment, etc.
let me know whaz up!


(no subject)

hey girls.
i just wanted to let you know that i am staying up here this weekend.
and i wanted you to know that this weekend is packed, but i would still like to do something.
it just might not be just the four of us, because i had some things planned before hand.
SO. here's my weekend, just to let you know.
tomorrow, i am completely unavailable. i will be doing something that whole day.
sunday, clinton is staying over, and he, debbie and i wanted to go out and get sushi.
if you would like to come with us, that's more than possible!
i think it's going to be really fun, since most of the people invited have not yet had sushi.
and yes, you are the three invited.
if, afterwards you'd want to do something, i'm completely open to that as well and we can work it all out.
i'm totally up for seeing y'all this weekend, and i talked to stella yesterday,
and she said her only day off is sunday.
so i think it might be our best bet for this weekend.
if anyone wants to come over tonight, i'm up for that too!
i wanted to get my homework done today, and what i have is minimal.
somewhere in here, probably tomorrow, i'm stopping at home for some stuff.
BUT! that's beside the point.
SO! if you can and are willing to do something this weekend,
let's plan it out.
please, please, PLEASE call me and we'll plan it out!
and look! we have something to do! eat sushi!
have a good day my beautiful ladies.
i love you.