allison is a caterpillar, apparently (_alantie) wrote in _meansfallen,
allison is a caterpillar, apparently

Missing in Life.

Hello everyone.

This is Allison/_alantie. Well, of course it is. Obviously.

I have not written in... ages. I know. Actually, I do write occasionally, but it's only stuff about my life, and it's in my new journal soarsore or my myspace: That's pretty much where you can find me nowadays.

It has been over a year since I've updated on here. In case anyone is curious, my last year consisted of this: I went to art school. Graphic Design major. Being a 21 year old freshman was harder than I thought it would be. I'm not very socially adept, nor relationship-y adept, so I hit the ground running when all of a sudden I was thrust into a chaotic social enviroment, and an even more stressful relationship with a boy two years younger than me. Matt. He was cute. I lost my virginity to him on September 9th. It was beautiful, and I do believe 'Wonderful Love' by Creeper Lagoon was playing during the deflowering. How very appropriate, iTunes, I salute you. Anyway, two month relationship with him, my first ever. It was all wrong, and he didn't treat me very well. He didn't like me very much. We broke up, but kept having sex. Lots of sex. We were good at it. But my social life was suffering. At least my school work was good. Then I met Luke. If you've been reading my personal journal over at _alantie, you've seen the torment and agony and sexiness and absolute glorious romance that was my relationship with Luke. Lead singer in a great local band, I met him at a restaurant - he was my waiter. Luke completely swept me off my feet, and I feel head over heels in love. And he was in love with me.... until he met another girl on myspace. Yes, he dumped me for a girl he had never actually met. Throw in some horrific roommate issues, getting thrown out of my bohemian apartment, and on the verge of failing all my classes, and you've got a mess of an Allison. I went catatonic for a week before I finally put my nose to the grindstone again.

Long story short, it was five months of recovery. I was diagnosed with 'Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder' due to some events that occured at the end of Luke and my relationship, and the beginning of our break-up in mid-March. It took me hours of therapy and even more hours of crying to get over it, when all of a sudden, I felt fine. Saw Luke for the first time since our break-up a couple of weeks ago, and felt powerful and beautiful when he had no effect on me, and yet he stared at me with those big blue eyes that I used to love so completely.

Today I live in a row house in downtown Lancaster, Pennsylvania. I have two photographer roommates, one a gay man named Chris, and the other a Californian named Christine. They are amazing, and just the beginning of my great circle and network of artistic friends with big opinions and even bigger talent. I work at a restaurant with the coolest people around, and I also work at Hot Topic where I am a hero to all the young scene boys and girls in the city. School starts soon, and I cannot wait. I am embracing being single by falling in love with my big empty bed every single night. It smells like only me, and that gives me such peace.

The bottom line is life kicked my ass this year. So much life, so much color. Heartbreak, tears, laughter. Lessons learned.... oh my god, so many lessons learned. I feel like a new person, better and older and wiser and having more fun than I ever did before.

I might write fic again. I might not. But my respect for all of you, my readers, is overwhelmingly inspirational, that I never want to fade away completely. And so you got this update.

Perhaps sometime, in the future, I will update again, and it'll be all Brian and Justin.

Until then, I raise my glass to all of you.
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