Simpsons

The almighty fishing weekend

This isn't necessarily a huge problem per se, but something I'm a bit miffed about, and I'm looking for opinions as to whether I'm being unreasonable. 

My husband is an avid fisherman, and every year, he goes on several fishing trips with his buddy. There is one weekend in particular which seems to be the "sacred boys wekend", which falls on the May long weekend every year. This has been practically set in stone, and I've never had a problem with it, and it was never even a issue until last year. His friend moved away for a job and it looked like they weren't going to be getting together, so we went ahead and made a bunch of plans, only to have his friend call two nights before and say he would be in town. My husband totally dropped all of the plans we had (which I was really looking forward to) in favour of going with his friend, which left me kind of hurt, to be honest. I felt as though he viewed it that something better came along, and that I'd always be there, so it didn't hurt to cancel out on me. I said as much to him, and it ended up in a fight. He assumed I was trying to infringe on his weekend, (which wasn't even the case), and never really understood what I was actually trying to say. I let it go, and things went on as normal. 

Fast forward to this year. We've been doing a lot of home renovations, and he's spent pretty much every weekend working on projects around the house. I've tried to get him to take a break and get out and do something fun together, but he always tells me he wants to get everything done in a good amount of time so we can start enjoying it. Time after time I hear "I'm too busy right now" or "just be patient, I'll be done soon." I wanted to plan a bunch of fun stuff for this weekend, and he told me that he didn't know if we'd be able to, since he wanted to finish the basement project, and it was essential that he get it done by next weekend. Lo and behold, his friend calls this week and says he'll be in town and wants to do the fishing weekend again. Immediately, all these ever so important things he had to finish are thrown aside, and he's already packed for the trip. I'm disappointed, and again I feel like I'm being stood up. I wouldn't dare bring the issue up again, since I don't want to be labeled as trying to interfere with his weekend, but it just feels like he takes our time for granted, and puts time with his buddy over me. 

Am I unreasonable to feel slighted about this whole thing? He's generally a very loving and attentive husband otherwise, but I just don't feel like he thinks about the impact of his actions sometimes. I mean sure, I'll take advantage of this weekend and have some "me" time, and it's not the end of the world, but I guess I'm just wondering if it's wrong to expect that he should honour his commitments or time with his wife just as much as a childhood buddy. I'm not asking him to stop the fishing trips or anything riduclous like that, but when his friend invites him somewhere out of the blue after we've already planned something, it would be nice to not be blown off completely. 

Any thoughts?

Long distance

Hi all. I had a question for people.

My husband is away from home a lot because of his job. We talk on the phone sometimes, but of course it's not the same.

Recently I made a sort of "naughty" video of myself, and was thinking of posting it on xtube for our anniversary, which is coming up. I would do it anonymously, of course. I thought that it would be funny to send him an email saying "hey I found this on the internet!" and have it be a video of me.

What do people think about this? Has anyone done something like this? Any possible drawbacks?
Lost....

I blame the Lunar Eclipse

First I want to thank everyone and their awesome advice from my first post located here

Things were OK for a little while, He spent most of his nights at school and I spent most of my days at work. We saw eachother at night, and I thought things were going OK for the most part, still some bickering, but we talked about a lot of things and I thought things were OK.


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Xposted in datinandrelatin
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just

inappropriate behavior

I've alluded to this issue in previous posts, and you've all been very helpful. Here's the current situation and I'd appreciate everyone's comments and suggestions.

My fiance has a female friend, a colleague who worked with him in an office he has since left. Since they no longer work together, they can fraternize (the office had a no-buddies policy). She is 36, getting a divorce, with 2 children and a boyfriend who is 32 - great, nice guy. She is attractive by general standards (with a boob job) and doesn't have much in the ways of intellect. Having met her twice in a bar setting, I noticed she is also extremely touchy, grabbing your neck to bring you into a conversation, putting her hand on my ass while speaking to me, grabbing my fiance's face when saying how cute he was. This was all rather shocking to me, to the point that I didn't know what to say when she acted inappropriately. In addition, when she, my fiance and I were all speaking, she mid-sentence reached across my fiance's body, grabbed his neck, and completed part of the conversation in his ear. That seemed absurd to me. My fiance didn't pull away or reciprocate by touching her back. He says that it would be rude for him to move away or make some show of discomfort, which is what I would do if a guy did this to me. In her defense, she might have been under the misimpression that he and I were interested in a threesome, and I took careful note to mention in conversation that I honestly didn't like most men and didn't want women, and my fiance is the only one for me. At our third and latest encounter with her and her guy (and other friends of theirs) it was dinner: much less opportunity to be touchy. As we were walking out, she hooked her arm on my fiance's arm and was having a little chat. I slipped my arm on his other side and listened in like her behavior was just peachy. In the old days I would've let them chat and walked passed them, quietly irritated.
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yikes!
  • macabre

(no subject)

What do you do when you have issues in your relationship, but your partner doesn't seem interested in getting counseling?

I have asked my husband numerous times to look into getting counseling for us, and everytime he says he forgets. I would do it myself, but he hasn't given me the phone numbers I need and hasn't told me what insurance plan he has through his work.

I am so frustrated and I am getting close to asking him for a divorce.
scurvy

Advice columns and relationships

I thought these letters to Dear Margo gave me an interesting angle on something I've been mulling over lately. I've found that my husband and I often have very different interpretations of the same situation, not just in our own relationships, but also in our interactions as a couple with other people (I'm specifically thinking of in-laws). It's kind of like if you ask ten different witnesses about an accident, you're going to get ten different stories. I think it's possible that this woman isn't just trying to get Margo on her side, but really feels like her boyfriend is being a controlling jerk and can't see the situation from his perspective.

How do you deal with this sort of thing in your relationship?

In a related note, the very first thing I thought of when I started reading this column was _marriedlife_ and I wondered how much better we would be at giving advice if we got both sides of the story instead of one!

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Another money question..

This is related to the last money question, but a bit different, so I thought to make a post about it.

For those of you who are in relationships where one or the other doesn't have a job or other source of income, how do you handle money? Especially around the holidays, how do you exchange gifts (that is, for the folks who do exchange gifts)? Does the one who does not have a job save up some other way, or ...?
me a cuteh

small update on earlier post.

earlier, i wrote about an incident that took place last night and my needing some advice as to what to do about the situation....my husband and i did have a long long chat about it, and he was apologetic about "forbidding" me from seeing anyone...he did, however, voice to me his objections about said person, and he brought up some very valid points to support his feelings...and I agreed to speak to the person that caused this issue about not asking me to involve myself in a situation that could be potentially dangerous or fatal ever again.

I spoke to my friend and our talk went great! I explained to her how I felt, she apologized, she assured me she was going to use extreme caution next time she wanted to meet someone online, and she also told me that she was going to get therapy to further explore what made her act and do impulsive things such as what she did last night....it's a start, and I told her I would be supportive of her, but I also expressed to her the certainty of my not being able to be a friend to her should she renege on her promise to work on her issues and whatnot...she told me that what i said was fair and she understood.

So, once again, thank you everyone that wrote in and gave advice...it helped a lot!


Best,

Elisabeth

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me a cuteh

needing some advice on boundary setting

 so, apparently i have issues with boundaries....and now that it's been shown to me, i need some help.

my husband of almost 5 months and my bestest cousin from cali were discussing issues that i had brought up in my talks to them, and one of the things i was venting about was people i knew that didn't respect me, i thought...i've been called into a few situations that i didn't want to be involved in, and when i voiced my opinion about it, i was all but branded a terrible person and badgered until i gave in to just keep the peace...not good.

an example--my friend (kinda questionable cos my husband has forbidden me from seeing her for a bit) met this fella online and had been emailing him for weeks and whatnot...she professes to be christian, and so did this fella...he's been emailing back and talking to him and whatnot...he invites her and her kids on a date to an eating place...thing is, she's never met him alone, this would be their first date, and he wants the kids?  weird.

she gives him the address to her home, and when he showed up, he was drunk.  she goes with this man anyway with her 2 babies and goes out to eat with him...her kids hit him up for money (he's a stranger) and she says nothing....he drinks more, drops a huge tip on the waitress, he's touching all over her kids telling the boy he's beautiful and gorgeous and that her daughter is a sex-kitten.  Red flags for me, since she is 12.  

They go back to her house, he takes his shoes and socks off, he makes himself comfortable, she puts on a movie, he's touching on her son, he's being too familiar, he's telling her son that if he'd go into his room he'd give him 10 dollars, etc, etc....my friend is uncomfortable but is smiling throughout this thing...this man claims to be a holy man but cusses at the kids and whatnot....the daughter has enough presence of mid to go into the bathroom and call me and tells me to come...i don't want to, and i tell her this...my friend calls me and is like,"he scares me, please".....i tell her to please call the police cos i don't want this nor do i want to be in this...she reminds me about the last time the cops were called to her house for something similar a year and a half ago, and i was like, "i'll go..."

i told my cousin, she was begging me to not go, but i told her how to contact my husband and where i would be at should she not hear from me within 30 minutes...i had to go...

i prayed the whole way there....i got there, i told him that i had a new car, wanted to show it off, i wanted to take my friend my friend's son out, and we were leaving.

he left, he sensed i was serious...

but when i got home....all hell broke loose....my husband was like, "you are forbidden from seeing her!" 

my cousin says that i need boundary control....i think after last night she was correct.

my question--how did you guys get boundary control?

please advise.


beth
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