This isn't necessarily a huge problem per se, but something I'm a bit miffed about, and I'm looking for opinions as to whether I'm being unreasonable.
My husband is an avid fisherman, and every year, he goes on several fishing trips with his buddy. There is one weekend in particular which seems to be the "sacred boys wekend", which falls on the May long weekend every year. This has been practically set in stone, and I've never had a problem with it, and it was never even a issue until last year. His friend moved away for a job and it looked like they weren't going to be getting together, so we went ahead and made a bunch of plans, only to have his friend call two nights before and say he would be in town. My husband totally dropped all of the plans we had (which I was really looking forward to) in favour of going with his friend, which left me kind of hurt, to be honest. I felt as though he viewed it that something better came along, and that I'd always be there, so it didn't hurt to cancel out on me. I said as much to him, and it ended up in a fight. He assumed I was trying to infringe on his weekend, (which wasn't even the case), and never really understood what I was actually trying to say. I let it go, and things went on as normal.
Fast forward to this year. We've been doing a lot of home renovations, and he's spent pretty much every weekend working on projects around the house. I've tried to get him to take a break and get out and do something fun together, but he always tells me he wants to get everything done in a good amount of time so we can start enjoying it. Time after time I hear "I'm too busy right now" or "just be patient, I'll be done soon." I wanted to plan a bunch of fun stuff for this weekend, and he told me that he didn't know if we'd be able to, since he wanted to finish the basement project, and it was essential that he get it done by next weekend. Lo and behold, his friend calls this week and says he'll be in town and wants to do the fishing weekend again. Immediately, all these ever so important things he had to finish are thrown aside, and he's already packed for the trip. I'm disappointed, and again I feel like I'm being stood up. I wouldn't dare bring the issue up again, since I don't want to be labeled as trying to interfere with his weekend, but it just feels like he takes our time for granted, and puts time with his buddy over me.
Am I unreasonable to feel slighted about this whole thing? He's generally a very loving and attentive husband otherwise, but I just don't feel like he thinks about the impact of his actions sometimes. I mean sure, I'll take advantage of this weekend and have some "me" time, and it's not the end of the world, but I guess I'm just wondering if it's wrong to expect that he should honour his commitments or time with his wife just as much as a childhood buddy. I'm not asking him to stop the fishing trips or anything riduclous like that, but when his friend invites him somewhere out of the blue after we've already planned something, it would be nice to not be blown off completely.
Hi all. I had a question for people.
My husband is away from home a lot because of his job. We talk on the phone sometimes, but of course it's not the same.
Recently I made a sort of "naughty" video of myself, and was thinking of posting it on xtube for our anniversary, which is coming up. I would do it anonymously, of course. I thought that it would be funny to send him an email saying "hey I found this on the internet!" and have it be a video of me.
What do people think about this? Has anyone done something like this? Any possible drawbacks?
What do you do when you have issues in your relationship, but your partner doesn't seem interested in getting counseling?
I have asked my husband numerous times to look into getting counseling for us, and everytime he says he forgets. I would do it myself, but he hasn't given me the phone numbers I need and hasn't told me what insurance plan he has through his work.
I am so frustrated and I am getting close to asking him for a divorce.
so, apparently i have issues with boundaries....and now that it's been shown to me, i need some help.
my husband of almost 5 months and my bestest cousin from cali were discussing issues that i had brought up in my talks to them, and one of the things i was venting about was people i knew that didn't respect me, i thought...i've been called into a few situations that i didn't want to be involved in, and when i voiced my opinion about it, i was all but branded a terrible person and badgered until i gave in to just keep the peace...not good.
an example--my friend (kinda questionable cos my husband has forbidden me from seeing her for a bit) met this fella online and had been emailing him for weeks and whatnot...she professes to be christian, and so did this fella...he's been emailing back and talking to him and whatnot...he invites her and her kids on a date to an eating place...thing is, she's never met him alone, this would be their first date, and he wants the kids? weird.
she gives him the address to her home, and when he showed up, he was drunk. she goes with this man anyway with her 2 babies and goes out to eat with him...her kids hit him up for money (he's a stranger) and she says nothing....he drinks more, drops a huge tip on the waitress, he's touching all over her kids telling the boy he's beautiful and gorgeous and that her daughter is a sex-kitten. Red flags for me, since she is 12.
They go back to her house, he takes his shoes and socks off, he makes himself comfortable, she puts on a movie, he's touching on her son, he's being too familiar, he's telling her son that if he'd go into his room he'd give him 10 dollars, etc, etc....my friend is uncomfortable but is smiling throughout this thing...this man claims to be a holy man but cusses at the kids and whatnot....the daughter has enough presence of mid to go into the bathroom and call me and tells me to come...i don't want to, and i tell her this...my friend calls me and is like,"he scares me, please".....i tell her to please call the police cos i don't want this nor do i want to be in this...she reminds me about the last time the cops were called to her house for something similar a year and a half ago, and i was like, "i'll go..."
i told my cousin, she was begging me to not go, but i told her how to contact my husband and where i would be at should she not hear from me within 30 minutes...i had to go...
i prayed the whole way there....i got there, i told him that i had a new car, wanted to show it off, i wanted to take my friend my friend's son out, and we were leaving.
he left, he sensed i was serious...
but when i got home....all hell broke loose....my husband was like, "you are forbidden from seeing her!"
my cousin says that i need boundary control....i think after last night she was correct.
my question--how did you guys get boundary control?