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Welcome to Married Life!
Marriage is bliss?
I have been on about a week or two but hadn't done this yet so here goes...

Your Name: Mandy

Your Age: 27

Your Husband/Wife's Name: JD (22)

Wedding Date: May 6, 2007

How Did You Guys Meet?: Mutual Friends Bday Party Feb 2 2007 - surprised we hadn't met before then

Kids Ages & Names (If Any): I have a 5 year old daughter from a previous relationship

City/State/Country: Vancouver-Area, BC, Canada (Also spend alot of time in Seattle Wa. where he is from)

The Best Thing About Being Married? Sharing your life with someone

The Worst Thing About Being Married?Sharing your life with someone

Anything else you'd like to share: We only knew each other 3 months and got married. My ex and I had broken up before we got together, but he passed away after my husband-to-be and I knew each other only 2 months, we decided to get married quickly and enjoy life together as life was to precious and unpredictable (my ex was only 32 when he died) - - - we have had to deal with my grieving my ex's death.... my daughter adjusting to a new man.... his immigration to Canada from USA.... basic differences in ideas on life and of course new marriage issues (money, time, goals, etc) We go thru up's and down's and I think this group will help me vent and hear from others who have similar experiences.... I am very open and honest - so let's go from there :)
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Buttface and I have started to make small steps towards opening up the relationship. We decided to do this because we don't always have enough time for each other with both our faces rammed in books and school projects filling up his schedule its kind of hard getting our needs met. And as time goes one we may have bouts of long distance due to our careers.

Our first step is to allow cuddling. As this is simple some people do this with just regular friends, and its what we lack the most and its the something he feels comfortable with at the moment. Then we'll open things up more until we can find our comfort zone. We agreed to be completely honest about our interactions and to disown and partners we may have if they feel the need to be an asshole to either of us for whatever reason. As in my eyes he comes first and I come first in his.

Do any of you have experience with open relationships? How did you transition into this? What issues did you deal with and how did you deal with them? Any advice on this?

edit because it keeps coming up:

1)We are not being poly. We are just opening things up a bit.
2)Its more about schedule conflict than it is time.
3)We are not going to go out and seek people to do these things with. We are just opening up to opportunity. So if say we are out with friends in the first place, we are allowed to take things a little further, if the opportunity comes.

edit: I would also appreciate it if you stopped telling us we don't actually love each other or trying to tell me what our intentions are. We just want some resources and here about your experience.
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This isn't necessarily a huge problem per se, but something I'm a bit miffed about, and I'm looking for opinions as to whether I'm being unreasonable. 

My husband is an avid fisherman, and every year, he goes on several fishing trips with his buddy. There is one weekend in particular which seems to be the "sacred boys wekend", which falls on the May long weekend every year. This has been practically set in stone, and I've never had a problem with it, and it was never even a issue until last year. His friend moved away for a job and it looked like they weren't going to be getting together, so we went ahead and made a bunch of plans, only to have his friend call two nights before and say he would be in town. My husband totally dropped all of the plans we had (which I was really looking forward to) in favour of going with his friend, which left me kind of hurt, to be honest. I felt as though he viewed it that something better came along, and that I'd always be there, so it didn't hurt to cancel out on me. I said as much to him, and it ended up in a fight. He assumed I was trying to infringe on his weekend, (which wasn't even the case), and never really understood what I was actually trying to say. I let it go, and things went on as normal. 

Fast forward to this year. We've been doing a lot of home renovations, and he's spent pretty much every weekend working on projects around the house. I've tried to get him to take a break and get out and do something fun together, but he always tells me he wants to get everything done in a good amount of time so we can start enjoying it. Time after time I hear "I'm too busy right now" or "just be patient, I'll be done soon." I wanted to plan a bunch of fun stuff for this weekend, and he told me that he didn't know if we'd be able to, since he wanted to finish the basement project, and it was essential that he get it done by next weekend. Lo and behold, his friend calls this week and says he'll be in town and wants to do the fishing weekend again. Immediately, all these ever so important things he had to finish are thrown aside, and he's already packed for the trip. I'm disappointed, and again I feel like I'm being stood up. I wouldn't dare bring the issue up again, since I don't want to be labeled as trying to interfere with his weekend, but it just feels like he takes our time for granted, and puts time with his buddy over me. 

Am I unreasonable to feel slighted about this whole thing? He's generally a very loving and attentive husband otherwise, but I just don't feel like he thinks about the impact of his actions sometimes. I mean sure, I'll take advantage of this weekend and have some "me" time, and it's not the end of the world, but I guess I'm just wondering if it's wrong to expect that he should honour his commitments or time with his wife just as much as a childhood buddy. I'm not asking him to stop the fishing trips or anything riduclous like that, but when his friend invites him somewhere out of the blue after we've already planned something, it would be nice to not be blown off completely. 

Any thoughts?
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Hi all. I had a question for people.

My husband is away from home a lot because of his job. We talk on the phone sometimes, but of course it's not the same.

Recently I made a sort of "naughty" video of myself, and was thinking of posting it on xtube for our anniversary, which is coming up. I would do it anonymously, of course. I thought that it would be funny to send him an email saying "hey I found this on the internet!" and have it be a video of me.

What do people think about this? Has anyone done something like this? Any possible drawbacks?
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First I want to thank everyone and their awesome advice from my first post located here

Things were OK for a little while, He spent most of his nights at school and I spent most of my days at work. We saw eachother at night, and I thought things were going OK for the most part, still some bickering, but we talked about a lot of things and I thought things were OK.

Xposted in datinandrelatin

Current Location: work
Current Mood: crushed crushed

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Although a member for several months, I feel the introduction is in order Read more...Collapse )

Current Mood: amused amused

116 comments or Leave a comment
I've alluded to this issue in previous posts, and you've all been very helpful. Here's the current situation and I'd appreciate everyone's comments and suggestions.

My fiance has a female friend, a colleague who worked with him in an office he has since left. Since they no longer work together, they can fraternize (the office had a no-buddies policy). She is 36, getting a divorce, with 2 children and a boyfriend who is 32 - great, nice guy. She is attractive by general standards (with a boob job) and doesn't have much in the ways of intellect. Having met her twice in a bar setting, I noticed she is also extremely touchy, grabbing your neck to bring you into a conversation, putting her hand on my ass while speaking to me, grabbing my fiance's face when saying how cute he was. This was all rather shocking to me, to the point that I didn't know what to say when she acted inappropriately. In addition, when she, my fiance and I were all speaking, she mid-sentence reached across my fiance's body, grabbed his neck, and completed part of the conversation in his ear. That seemed absurd to me. My fiance didn't pull away or reciprocate by touching her back. He says that it would be rude for him to move away or make some show of discomfort, which is what I would do if a guy did this to me. In her defense, she might have been under the misimpression that he and I were interested in a threesome, and I took careful note to mention in conversation that I honestly didn't like most men and didn't want women, and my fiance is the only one for me. At our third and latest encounter with her and her guy (and other friends of theirs) it was dinner: much less opportunity to be touchy. As we were walking out, she hooked her arm on my fiance's arm and was having a little chat. I slipped my arm on his other side and listened in like her behavior was just peachy. In the old days I would've let them chat and walked passed them, quietly irritated.
Cut for length...Collapse )

Current Mood: curious curious
Current Music: nina simone :: just in time

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What do you do when you have issues in your relationship, but your partner doesn't seem interested in getting counseling?

I have asked my husband numerous times to look into getting counseling for us, and everytime he says he forgets. I would do it myself, but he hasn't given me the phone numbers I need and hasn't told me what insurance plan he has through his work.

I am so frustrated and I am getting close to asking him for a divorce.
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I thought these letters to Dear Margo gave me an interesting angle on something I've been mulling over lately. I've found that my husband and I often have very different interpretations of the same situation, not just in our own relationships, but also in our interactions as a couple with other people (I'm specifically thinking of in-laws). It's kind of like if you ask ten different witnesses about an accident, you're going to get ten different stories. I think it's possible that this woman isn't just trying to get Margo on her side, but really feels like her boyfriend is being a controlling jerk and can't see the situation from his perspective.

How do you deal with this sort of thing in your relationship?

In a related note, the very first thing I thought of when I started reading this column was _marriedlife_ and I wondered how much better we would be at giving advice if we got both sides of the story instead of one!

Text for the link-phobicCollapse )
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This is related to the last money question, but a bit different, so I thought to make a post about it.

For those of you who are in relationships where one or the other doesn't have a job or other source of income, how do you handle money? Especially around the holidays, how do you exchange gifts (that is, for the folks who do exchange gifts)? Does the one who does not have a job save up some other way, or ...?
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