My husband said, "I know you're lonely and feeling letdown. What else are you feeling?"
"Ill." I replied.
"Ill?" he gave me a confused look.
"Yeah. I don't want to be touched." And then it was silent for a long time, so I went to bed. I woke up this morning and found this in my e-mail:
:( I'm so sorry, Barbara. This problem with you not wanting to be touched was something you enlightened me about Chris. And how HE made you feel that way. Your claim is that I do not, rather it is something in you. You're strong, Barbara and you can't let the enemy let you down.
God made a promise to us. He keeps His promises.
Psalm 29:11 (New Living Translation)
The LORD gives his people strength.
The LORD blesses them with peace
7"Keep on asking, and you will be given what you ask for. Keep on looking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened. 8For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds.
He is full of promises and rest assured He will make them known and true to you. I pray that you will heed this close to you. You are His and He is your's.
Baby, I do understand that you are going through something. My prayer is that if any is influenced by me that God will lift that from us and remove it from our site. The flesh deceives but His Spirit is comforting. I love you with all my heart. God gave US this marriage. He gave to us a beautiful son in whom I am truly blessed as his father and the husband to his wonderful and precious mom. I know we haven't been close lately... not even intimate. Some of my issues are with my own body. Seriously I don't feel attractive to you because I am getting slightly over weight. I can hope for a better tomorrow as I always have. Sometimes they are better. When I see you smile it seals my heart daily because it is THAT smile which had me. I know you love me and you wish to be all you can for me. Relax, Barbara, I know you're having a hard time here. I know you're lonely and I know I broke your heart. We're still together and still a team. A best friend in the world, you are. I don't want favors... I want love. And my love for you is willing to help. You don't have to reply... I am understanding. I am loving... and I want to provide security and intimacy for you. I need it, you need it. God wants us to be this way, too. Be lifted, my love. Time will show that our being is never less than worthy of every moment spent. Let me in and be close so we can feel our passion grow ever-so more as God wishes to bless us AND this marriage. You're a passion I've never fathomed... Great and awesome are you, Barbara. I love you.
That's why I love him. :)
I can't believe Landon is 3 months today...