December 30th, 2007

014

(no subject)

is it wrong to not want the best for people?
my best friend, well i wont say names here, but shes been "dealing" with this guy. and for a while she was waiting for him to ask her out. and to be honest, i really didn't think he would. and i didnt want him to. because for a while now, she has been, well, basically shafting me for him. i mean now they do everything together, and i just feel like i've been replaced. i mean we use to be so close. i was the first person she would call for anything and everything. and then this new guy comes along, and it all just changes. if i'm on the phone with her, and he calls, she'll take his call, not mine. or she'll leave me on the other line for several minutes before i decide to hang up.
and last night she calls me and says "evie ... guess whos not single anymore!"
so now they're dating. so now, do i have to just settle for second best? am i going to have to play third wheel. i dont want to do that. i really dont... but i mean, my friend is the kind of person who would tend to leave someone out (usually being me) to make the other person happy. she just does. it's always been that way.
and what really sucks is now two of my best friends have boyfriends. and i'm still here, single. i mean, at times i guess i'm okay with that, but i'm getting to the point where i cant even watch two people kiss on the tv or in a movie and not feel depressed. today i found myself crying to an i love lucy episode, a major comedy because i saw lucy and ricky kissing. it's getting to the point where i'm hit an all time low. over something that i really shouldn't care about.
and i just want to know, how can i overcome this? how can i make things better, for myself?