|Hi, I'm New...
||[Nov. 23rd, 2006|01:24 pm]
A community for those with no where else to turn..
I'm a 36 year old male from Charlotte, NC. I've suffered from depression and anxiety on and off all my life. I've been in and out of therapy and even spent several months institutionalized as a teen. A couple of years ago I finally had a big breakdown and spent almost a week in the care of the mental health center and had to move out of my apartment immediately afterward, my roommates needed their privacy, they're engaged and wanted it to be just them, I knew about it a couple of months before my breakdown and I think that helped contribute to it, although I was in pretty bad shape as well. I never went out, I was crying all the time and playing repetative games on-line for hours on end.
After getting out I was forced to move back in with my parents again. I was unemployed and nearly unemployable, I tried every day for months and no one would hire me. After getting out I was able to get Disability from the government, so that helped, but it's nowhere near enough to find a place to live on my own or even with roommates, especially since most of my friends are in relationships or getting married. Most of the time I'm okay, not great, but okay. I'm on anti-depressants and anti-psychotics and they keep me stable most of the time, but I still get tears in my eyes over the least little frustration or even a sad tv show or book. Hell, just writing this brings on the waterworks.
Add to all that my non-existant self-esteem and lonliness and I'm a big mess. I have plenty of friends that care for me and one without whom I wouldn't have even made it this far, I'd have been dead years ago if not for him, but it's not enough. I just want someone that I can love and hold.