• esuety


(no subject)

Hey everyone,

My name is Rachel Sarah, and I just created this new community rainbowsofhope. It was created as a place where you can talk about your problems and make friends along the way. Please feel more than free to join.

My appologies if this sort of thing isn't allowed.

Brief Introduction

Stumbled upon this community by a near-accident - don't you just love these coincidents? The name of the community was enough for me to be curious, and then when I read the description of what the community is all about, well, it sounded exactly like something I certainly relate to, on daily basis...bring a tissue box if you're going to check out my journal ;-)...

In any case...

Brief, almost trivial information:

Fake Name: Robbie

Real Name: Salam (which means "Peace" in Arabic.)

Reason for Fake Name: To keep the unwanted one's at a safe, psychological distance.

Nationality: Born in Egypt, grew up in Iraq, moved to the U.S. about 12 years ago, and been here ever since. So call me an "American." Yes, I still speak Arabic, when talking to myself. ;-)

My "Core": Love.

Sexuality: I'm not quite gay, I'm not quite straight, I'm not even quite both, or in between. My friends have stopped trying to pin me down, but if it makes things much easier to understand, I can be attracted to anyone who I happen to think is attractive. A person's sex is rarely an issue with me...I'll love who I'll love, his or her "sex" doesn't matter.

Age: 22. I'm an Aquarian, by the way, for anyone that cares about Astrology.

Hobbies: I study Astrology part time; I do some Tarot, as well. I read and write a lot, and have plans to be have few novels published. Plenty of more things, but I'm only mentioning the things that I actually dedicate myself to.

Schooling: Currently attending my State's University. I'm in my 4th year, majoring in Philosophy and Psychology. Useless, I know, but at least more stimulating than the mind numbing mathematics. :-P

Questions? I probably have answers.

Hi to everyone...

hello everyone

My name is Ashley. I am new to this community. Before I tell my story, I just want to tell everyone a little about myself. I am 18 years old. I am currently taking a break from college until August. I only work right now. I work monday through friday, 8am-noon every day. Then, the rest of the day I spen sitting alone in my room listening to music and drawing or writing. I love art because it lets me be whoever I want to be. Anyways, now on with my long boring story:

I will just give you the shortened version.

I 'dated' a guy my sophomore year named Shawn. Well, then he wasn't a very good boyfriend at all. He never called and at school he acted as if I weren't even there. Well, needless to say we broke up. Years went by and we didn't talk to each other hardly at all. He changed schools so we never saw each other either. Well, I went off to school right after I graduated. Around November, I decided that the major I thought I wanted didn't make me happy. Therefore, I had decided to take a semester off to figure out what I wanted to do. I had planned on going back home after the semester ended. Anyways, so on Christmas break I moved back home. I was alone and bored one day and decided to call some people to see what they had been doing since high school. I had lost all of my phone numbers except for one. The only person I still had a # for was Shawn. I decided to call him up just to see how he was doing. Well, not long before he had decided that he was going to take a semester off also. It's wierd that we both had the same idea. He was moving back home also. Well, Christmas break we started hanging out and realized that we both were very different people since sophomore year. We both fell in love with one another. For a long while we didn't care what the rest of the world was doing. We just wanted to be together. We had even planned on eventually getting married.

Well, we stayed together for a while and it was great. I would have done anything for him and still will. I love him with all of my heart. He said that he loved me too. Well, one day he seemed a little confused and lost in thought. So, I asked him what was wrong and what I could do to help. (I should have never asked.)

He told me that he was frustrated because he only has one life and was forced to choose which he wanted. Of course I asked what he meant by that remark. (again I shouldn't have asked.) He loves to help people. He likes to be there for whoever needs him. Well, he said that in order to help people he has to get close to them. Okay? So, what did he mean by that? I asked of course. He said that he wasn't happy with me and only me. He wants to be able to be with other people as well. I told him that I couldn't do that. It couldn't work that way. I said that he had to decide with his heart what he really wanted and what would truely make him happy. He never gave an answer. He left the room for a bit, came back, put his arm around me and said that he missed me already. Okay? That's not an answer. I asked again what he wanted. He never answered.

Well, I let it go for the moment considering I was confused, frustrated, hurt, and tired. We went to sleep. The next morning, I went back to my house. I thought about the situation and decided that I was very scared. If I moved in with him like we had planned he could very well decide that he didn't want to be with me the very next week. It would be a very dangerous situation. I sent him an e-mail stating that when you find the right person, you don't dream of being with everyone else. You are content with that person. You don't have to be with them every second, but you love them with all of your heart. I told him that if he has to think about if he wants to be with me or not, I am not the one for him obviously. I said that if he has to think about it, he must not be happy with me. Therefore, as much as I hated to do it I said goodbye. I told him that I still loved him and would do anything for him. I just said that as long as he wants to be with other girls, it wouldn't work back. I hoped and prayed that maybe he would think about it and choose me. I hoped that maybe just maybe he would call, apologize, and tell me that he didn't want anyone else. It didn't happen. He called, but it was to tell me when I could come and get my things from him house. Ouch!!! That hurt soooo bad.

Anyways, that was 2 weeks ago. Ever since then, I have been sleeping with the phone by my head, checking my e-mail every 5 minutes, and praying that he will call soon. He hasn't called. I know I should give up because I am not the one for him, but I can't make myself do it. I have no one here now. My friends are all away at school or are always busy. My Dad and step-mom are never home. I have no boyfriend. I am just totally and completely alone. I know that if I had friends, I could do this. I just need someone to talk to. I don't even have that. I have nothing. I have no one. All I have is myself, and I hate myself right now. I should have been more understanding with him. I should have tried to make it work. It's too late now though. It's over. It's done. Someone please tell me what to do to get over this. I need some advice. I'm going crazy here.
  • Current Mood
    lonely lonely

(no subject)

Hey,I'm Riley & this is my story...
Aaron & I met on November 3, 2004. I went into an AIM chatroom that day because I was bored, & upset over something someone in my family had said, so I was looking for someone to talk to. The next thing I knew, there was an IM from d****** b******. We began talking & from that night, in a way, I knew I wanted something more than a friendship with him. Well, I stopped using AIM for a day or two & then came back online, IMed him, & gave him my e-mail address for MSN and we began talking even more from there.

Things went well between us as friends, but I wanted more, & for some reason.. I thought he did, too. Then, things started to go completely wrong in MY life, & I've been suffering with depression since I was about 9 or 10. Well, he knew that & at the time he seemd okay with it, & he seemed to love me despite the fact that no matter how much I loved him... I was still upset because of invisible disease. (Depression)

November 7, 2004 came, & he signed on somewhat late at night.. & we started talking & out of nowhere I put "Will you go out with me, Aaron?" in my profile (backwards), & he said "I'll pretend I didn't read that" & then he asked the same thing & I said yes. Then things really got bad.. my parents & I were really getting into fights & I couldn't handle it.. so, I attempted suicide a couple of times, & my best friend Jessica Anne was always around to inform him what was going on. When she told me about it, it made me feel good & loved. I was hit by a car one day just before school & was put in the hospital, even.

Overall, our relationship as Aaron & Riley was fine. WE loved each other (or so I thought), and we even told each other things I didn't think was possible to tell someone after the short amount of time we were together. We looked at baby names together, began picking WEDDiNG DATES, even. I had the time of my life with this boy. Anyway, Christmas came, and then the day after, his 18th birthday. I was forced to go with my parents somewhere on his birthday, and I grabbed his phone number & took it with me hoping I could get a chance to call, but each time I did, I got caught & got in trouble for trying to call to wish my BOYFRIEND a happy birthday. Well, he spends every other week at his Dad's, & eventually, from mocing, I lost that phone number, so when he came back one week & signed on MSN, I called him at his Mom's house. We talked, & I fell more in love with him than I thought even P O S S i B L E, then.. two weeks later.. he signs on MSN.. with this pissy MSN name & I didn't think it was directed at me.. so I left him alone anyway. He messages me, and we start talking.. & he eventually tells me 'I met someone'. Wow... it hurt. More than anyone could ever imagine. I wanted to just drop dead there & I swear, my heart sunk so low into my stomach, so fast, and it hit the bottom so hard... I cried... and cried... and cried.

A couple weeks went by, and I tried staying off of MSN so I could try to forget about him, but no luck. I love this man, I want to talk to him & be with him... but he goes & cheats on me.. So then he gets me on the phone again eventually, & tells me how he didn't think I really loved him. Um, HELLO? Whatever. (If you want love, add me to your LJ friends list & I'll add you back, & you can tell me how much I love him..) That pissed me off to no end, so after we hung up, I cried myself to sleep... just like I've been doing since he told me he met someone...

Now... I don't know what to do. He's hiding something from me. I said I love you to him tonight on the phone & he refused to say it back, yet, I say it on MSN, and he'll say it back & I asked him why he loves me & he said the same thing he always used to say.. What's he trying to do?? Is he trying to hurt me, or is he giving me some kind of hint.. or what?

broken ♥ Riley B.



im new my name is amanda but u can call me manda or which ever name on my info page

i joined because i hate being single.....

it makes me feel more alone than i already am

i hope someday.....i will be somebody's "someone.......but i doubt it

i really like this one guy alot but i highly doubt he'll ever look my way

well i hope u guyz except me here
  • Current Music
    green day............boulevard of broken dreams

(no subject)

for those who don't know, i'm scott. i created this community about a year ago. and man oh man do i need to make a new layout for it.

it might take a few days (or weeks), but it will get updated.

nice to see how many people have posted.

p.s. girls are still shitbags.

(no subject)

wow... its always so amazing to realize so many people feel the way you do sometimes..

well.. i just wanted to say hello since im new to the community..
  • Current Music
    Blink 182- I miss you

(no subject)

hi, I'm emily. I'm shy and I don't have many friends to speak of who don't ignore or forget about me, so I suppose this is the sort of place where I belong. I'm just looking for some friends who can sympathize with being left out...yeah. hi.

(no subject)

I have been really...depressed all week. I'm sick of the way things are. See, nothing ever changes for me. Nothing good happends, and thank God nothing bad happends. Everything has just stayed the same for me...forever. My friends all go out with their boyfriends/girlfriends, and I stay at home. They offer to let me go with them, but come on, I really don't want to be their chaperone. All my guy friends tell me that they love me...they love me as a friend. Nothing more. Thats the way everything has always been for me, everyone loves me, but nobody is IN love with me. I'm scared that it is going to be like that forever.