Settings: BACKTRACK to a few days before New Years, Outside the Castle
I pulled my coat tighter around me. Damnit, why do I always forget to buy a new coat? I sighed and shivered a little. Okay, it wasn't really all that cold outside but I felt like my insides were made of frozen lead. Some cold source was radiating inside me and prickling every square inch of my flesh with imaginary pins and needles.
I have to do this. If I don't I'm only making things worse. And there's no denying that...there is one plus to...to this. She'll be protected.
I've not heard from her for the longest time. I've not seen her in so long despite the fact that I've been student-teaching in Hogwarts for at least a month. This was starting to be tiresome, irritating and depressing. I can't stand those feelings anymore. I don't want them around...especially with so much happening.
But I still love her.
Nothing will change, right? at least nothing much? I'll still want to talk to her and see her around. Just not that way. Not this way--no, the way we were.
I paced around the outside steps and tried to push away the overwhelming feeling of fear out of my chest. Yes, I was scared. Very scared. More so than the time Fabs put a knife through his hand by accident, even more so than when Molly found out that I blended in itching powder with her make-up.
Maybe scarier than when I thought Sybs was-- I bit my lip. Stop!
I sent her an owl with a simple message. I told her to meet me out here at around this time because I needed to tell her something important. It wasn't until the owl was out of sight did I start imagining what she would do or say (or both) after I tell her. Would she be sad? angry? What's the worst she could do? I suppose hexing my privates off would be bad but what could be worse?
Nothing could be worse than actually standing here and telling her that we're over. I slumped down on the stone steps. I'm ripping out my heart and basically cutting it into mince-meat pieces and feeding it to the Giant Squid. Surely nothing could hurt more than that.