My shiny new toy

Dear Shiny new toy ,

somehow I knew it would end up this way . You tried to chase something that didn't want to be chased ,and was already tied down . You had temper tantrums , and empty threats . Did you not know I was too smart for you , and that you would end up bad at the end . You after all are the shiny new toy , that fell into my lap for a brief period of time. You were a brief entertainment , you should have known that people get bored fast with new toys . You were pushy and demanding ,and I admit I followed your game for a brief period of time . Like you said , " I am too strong , and persistent " so am I . I got caught but I was not going down without a fight , I am not that girl. You were never going to be good for me , it would have not worked you have issues and I would always be in the dark . So I am keeping my current life with my current old toy . I know I am not the one broken hearted , but I hate to say this because of your drama you caused me . So my shiny new toy it is time to put you on the shelf.

I don't wanna be a part of it...

Morning, handsome.

I can't sleep. You asked me where I was going, and that's what I told you.

But really, even though we've been together ten months, and she's been with her new boyfriend for...I don't know...six?, I can't stop thinking about her.

I had this weird imagine of you two hugging and just sort of...automatically kissing her on the forehead, even commenting that it seemed natural. I know that wouldn't really happen - especially where I (or her bf!) could see it.

So I did the usual online stalking. She and her friends look like they have so much fun! A prom party sounds awesome to me. I wish I had friends who'd do that sort of thing. And I sometimes think that I ruined things for you. That you're with me just because I was the next person. And you know you'll never love like you loved her again.

After all, I don't have a special nickname from or for you.

And you do all the same things with me as you did with her. You act the same around us.

I just wish we did something special. Aside from Wigglefest. Or that I felt special.

There should still be random spurts of romance. We haven't even hit the year mark. And we probably have to change that, too, so that it doesn't seem too close to when you two broke up. -_- At least this time I wasn't with a guy who cheated.
  • Current Mood
    uncomfortable uncomfortable

(no subject)

Dear... friend?


I don't even know where to begin with you. I don't know how it even became this way especially since we were good friends but I guess I didn't see then that we are just two completely different people. But this past year has been different. I've seen you change drastically, and because of that, I've been distancing myself from you. Maybe you've been this person all along, and I just refused to see it. But I've now become that person on the outside looking in, and I don't think I like who you are anymore.


It annoys the shit out of me that you come onto facebook and brag about everything. I know most people don't give a shit about what you have to say, as they are probably as sick of you as I am. Some of the selfish decisions you make for yourself just make me lose respect for you at every turn.


I know everyone has been hit hard with this depression, and I'm really sorry you ended up getting laid off. But despite what's happened, I must say I'm rather disappointed with the choices you've been making, especially since you're a single mom with two young girls. You've SUED our wonderful employers who have taken care of you every step of the way, for something you thought you were entitled to, but really weren't. You burned your bridge and guaranteed rehire for a few extra measly bucks and a generous severance, yet you still wonder why you're not welcome back and everyone treats you differently.


Instead of looking for a job your first couple of weeks off, you made every effort to screw your previous employers, had unnecessary "cosmetic" surgery, and spent money left and right. You went on a lavish vacation for a week, leaving your children behind, and that just sickens me. When I came home and saw you at our friend's wedding, you told me that you were living on unemployment, welfare, the severance and bonus, and child support from both baby daddies. Yet you also had the nerve to tell me, "I know this sounds bad, but I really don't want to go back to work right now." In addition, you continue to spend your money on new iphones and other "toys", endless mini-vacation trips with your friends, chasing rock groups all over the country. The only thing I can actually applaud is the couple of trips you took to Disneyland with your kids in tow. Did you feel guilty that you've been spending money on yourself and not them?


Sometimes I just wish I can give some inside tip of the ways you've been cheating the system. You're taking away money from those who need it more than you, and the rest of the people who are working are the ones paying for your "lifestyle." I am sure that the ones who end up paying for that "lifestyle" could use that money for their own families. But that's beside the point.


So please...please stop bragging about the things you just got and the things you're doing. A lot of us who are busting our asses, trying to keep our jobs or obtain one don't need this shit rubbed in our faces. The more I see, the more I really don't like you.


Just grow up and take responsibility. Since you're old enough to lie about your age, you're old enough to suck it up and be an adult and mother to your children.


I guess that is all...



(no subject)

Dear You,

I love you.

Please call and say sorry.  I dont want this to be it.  I cant just be friends.  4years and this it it.

Why cant you make the time?  Why cant music take a back seat for a day?

Im not asking you to choose just make some time.  I know this is what you want to do and i would never hold you back.


You and me. I dont know how else to be mister.

I love you.

angry panda

(no subject)

to all those things that were left unsaid,

i think that when i dream of you lately...they're just dreams
i'm actually quite surprised when i dream of you anymore.
whether i got over you or just simply gave up hope i'm not really too sure.
i think that one day i woke up and realized that you were just never meant for me.
if you had been things may have worked out.
i don't know if you're happy, i don't really know where we'll end up in life.
i honestly just wish that we were still friends.
we were REALLY GOOD at being friends.
good for eachother, healthy.
maybe we were meant to be really great friends.
but i got cheated out of that....
by for sure...unwantability?

yeah i dunno.
there were some days that i stayed up just wondering if you ever really forgave me.
and then the second thought that would undoubtedly enter my head was...why do i care?
i moved on. clearly.
and FARRRR before i ever did...again..clearly.
sometimes i feel like an idiot when i talk about you or ask about you...cuz i think to myself...

i was SO pathetic...for like..6 years about you. and my friends always had to hear it. and then i think...shit..they're gonna think that i'm still like super madly in love with him...when really i'm just honestly 100% just curious for your well-being.

well whatever the case may be i'm pretty sure that i'm just over you. i was just infatuated by the idea of you and what you represented. you are the best experience of my life so far...both learning experience and just emotional love experience. whether you loved me back or not really doesn't even matter to me anymore.
i know that i loved you with everything i had. some things is hell right? but it doesn't change how i felt about you.

i'll always love you. and if you showed up at my doorstep asking for my help...on anything. there is no way that i could possibly say no. I just wish you knew that. knew all of this. we'll see where life leads us...but where ever it may be i hope it finds you well and happy. That much i will always hope for. maybe in another life we'll be what we were meant to be. whatever that may be.

love always,
  • Current Music
    lol wow..."my only one"

(no subject)

Dear Michelle,
I think that it sucks that we were best friends and you haven't even made an effort to talk to me since school ended. Whatever, if you don't want me as a friend anymore then thats fine, I'll just make sure to get better friends when I move in September.
wicked me

(no subject)

Dear Auston,
My friend went up to you to tell you I thought you were hot. You came to our table on your own. You came and smoked with me. Danced with me. Kissed me. I actually gave you my number which I very deeply regret. You actually called me. You called me to drive all the way to my town and hang out with me. You were sweet and you were kind. You said sweet things. You touched me gently. Held my hand. Of course we had sex and you stayed the whole night. If you had left and not called me, just said hey to me at the club and went about your business I would have been just fine. Instead later that same day you text me and tell me you're still in love with your ex. Asshole. Then I read your blog later and you write that some girl was dancing on you at the club and you pushed her off and you're fiancé was all pissed off. The one you told me was your ex? Liar! You are a huge fucking douche and completely lame. You should have just let it the fuck go. I wasn't expecting any thing from you anyway but this is just bullshit. And the sad part I didn't even see it coming at all and now I'm the one who is hurt.
  • Current Music

(no subject)

I'm sorry but I just can't help worrying myself sick over you. I'm glad you got everything off your chest on Sunday, and don't feel so burdened anymore, but your bombshells have pretty much buried me. You have to stop doing these things with her! It's not helping you at all. Don't tell her she can stay (too late). Don't let her sleep in your bed (too late). And don't say it's okay because nothing happened! Don't be such a fecking BOY and try to pull the wool over my eyes. You invited her in. It's an emotional tangle you don't need. Whether or not something happened is beside the point. Of course, you then made me feel even worse because you confessed you DID want it to happen, but you were too drunk.

It made me feel sick, that you would even think like this. I care about you too much to see you hurt again, and this is hurting you. SHE is hurting you. Let her go. I'm here for you, I promise. You're my best friend and I love you to much to leave you alone with this, but you have to try and help yourself as well. Worrying because you have me worried sick about what is making you miserable won't help either of us in the long run. Please, just be brave.

Love Jess.

STOP GOING THROUGH MY FECKING PHONE. Just because you are my boyfriend does NOT give you that right. There is NOTHING between C and I except friendship. I'm sorry you're uncomfortable, and I'm trying to balance both of you. But seriously! And if you are going to go through my messages and take things out of context, of COURSE you are going to be upset.

I HAVE NOT DONE ANYTHING WRONG. I never will, ever. I love you and only you in that way. Please trust me, I have never given you any reason not to and it's really upsetting and offending me that you feel the need to keep tabs on me this way.

I love you, always. Jess

(no subject)

Dear You,
I know you're going through a hard time right now, mostly because I can tell from your body language, but partially because you're always bitching. But I know, and I accept it, and I try to look past it, and I try to help you, but, fuck, man, why'd you have to go and screw me up, too?
You know I want him, that I have wanted him for a very long time. I told you I did. And yet you feel the need to go straight up to him, right in front of my face, after you said you would help me to hook up with him, and start blatantly flirting? You have an effect on guys, man, something that I can't and will never be able to replicate. Suddenly, he's into you. He never used to ignore me in the halls, but now, when he sees us, it's you he waves at, smiles at. All of our friends know, you realize. They all side with me; one of our friends thinks I should kick your ass, to be honest. It's lucky for you that we're not middleschoolers, or I would.
I suppose I shouldn't have dithered so much-I should have gone right in there and went for him. So, like the good friend I am, I'll roll over, and let you have him, because you're going through a hard time, and I'm just trying to help you.

(p.s: Tomorrow, I'm going to passive-aggressively draw a cock on your neck while you sleep on my shoulder during 3rd. Enjoy.)