you could have left sincerly your's.. (past_the_lights) wrote in _letterstoyou_,
you could have left sincerly your's..
past_the_lights
_letterstoyou_

Dear Ben,
I don't know why we acted like we did with eachother, but I miss it. I miss having you there during a boring class period to put your arms around me. I miss sitting with you. I miss playfully hugging you, and I miss the way you used to pull me into your lap while talking to someone, like Nick, and no one would care.
I miss the past day of school, and the way we were both too shy to do anything. So, when the camera was out, all you could do was quickly put your arms around me, and then continue to hold me once the camera was off. And all I could do was smile.
It felt so good to be in your arms.
But, I have a girlfriend, and you know that. You have girls running after you all the time, and I know that.
You were the friend that I was always with. We hardly talked, but we were always together, and when we weren't, we would find a way to be. I would wake up during class to you playing with my hair. You would randomly reach over and grab my hand, sitting there in silence. You know I'm with a girl. You were there to hold my hand when Nick got mad at me for it. Yet, we don't really talk.
I wish I could get up the nerve to call you, but the last thing you said to me was "Don't do anything crazy over the summer, I can't wait to see you next year." Next year. Who is to say that, since we'll be seniors, we won't change? We have a full 3 months to ourselves. Time does things to people. I wish I would pick up that damn phone, call your number, and say, "I miss being with you. Let's go out. To the movies, to a park, anywhere. Just you and me, or with friends. I don't care. Being in your arms makes me feel so completly.. right."
We're friends, and not friends with benifits. But I miss being in your arms. And that feeling.. I don't know what it is.
And that scares me.
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