Why do i have to make such an ass out of myself? I try not to, I really do. I don't want to fuck up anyones life or perspective of me. But I get stupid, and I say stupid things. I hate it.
And will I ever find out where in supossed to be who I'm supossed to be with? Not romantically, but will I ever fit in with people? I like so many things that I'm not, and I genuinely like them. But the trouble is, no one else seems to believe that. Just because I didn't know what I was talking about last year when I tried to start a band, doesn't mean that I don't know anything now. I'm a smart kid. Maybe I don't know as much about music and those lifestyles as someone whose spent their entire lives living them, but I do know a hell of a lot more than anyone's giving me credit for.
Its not that I want a label. I just want people that I can realate to, people that know what I'm talking about and love the same things I love. People who dress like I do and act like I do and enjoy doing the same things as I do. None of my girlfriends are anything like that, so theres not much to talk about. (I still love them though.)
Then again, is this how I'm supossed to live? Always wandering from person to person, desire to desire, and never really connecting with any of them? Never being considered a part of them? I really hope thats not the case, because its killing me.