i set way too high if expectations.
to just let them get shot down.
i expect too much from people
what am i asking?
to just simply be my FRIEND??
i havent talked about this to anyone, maybe thats why its driving me so insane..i know it shouldnt bother me this much.
its just...i dont know. it makes me feel un-important and un-needed.
gah..is that what i need? to feel NEEDED?
cause thats lame.
its just...i feel like you should still be my best friend, like it was before.
its not going to be ANYTHING like it was before..and im close to 100% accepting that fact. i hope.
but then you go and will be all cryptic about things, and not tell me ANYTHING, and it makes me feel completely un wanted and like you dont even care that im youre friend anymore. sure, i dont want to hear about how much you drink and shit now, but still, i'd like to at least KNOW whats going on in your life.
we've been broken up for 5 months this month.the first few months were emotionally rough, duh, and im still not 100% sure where i lie in our field of things.
but back in february, when we started being friends again, it made me fucking happy.
and now its like
im going down again.
and i dont want to be like OMGITSALLYOURFAULT I H8 UUUU
i almost feel like this is your fault.
maybe i was having an odd notion that we'd go back out.
i dnt know.
i know if we did it would never work out.
we're both oh so very differnet now.
i'd still give anything to spend my life with you.
i think i just need to seriously like, re-think things, esp. our friendship.
i dont think i could live without at least being your friend.
even if you enver tell me anything.
i love you.