all the stars were fallen embers (liacoraginger) wrote in _letterstoyou_,
all the stars were fallen embers
liacoraginger
_letterstoyou_

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Dear Zach...

I miss you, but you won't talk to me. Understandably, I'm sure, but can't you just put the damn thing behind you? Ah, fuck. Maybe I still love you - "One's true character i seen in adversity," says an old Japanese proverb. Bleh. I have no one to feel better than, now.

It's crazy! I used to feel like I was good at everything, and now it's nothing. Nothing, nothing, nothing. Call it abusive, but I want to be your friend again so I can be better tan you. I'm always better than you.

But I love the way you would get angry at me, and I love the way you loved me because of it... and the way we would never fight, just argue with a huge grin on our faces. And I love the way your eyes change color. Why do you think I remarked on it so much? To annoy you?

But there's another thing. I love annoying you. I love making you mad.

Well, I did.

It's been two years since we spoke but I miss you so much sometimes...

Okay, I admit. I don't love you romantically. I never did. Okay? I have the love of my life, and it's not you... but that doesn't mean i don't love you anyway. Does that make sense? I want it to make sense... Blarg. I have a song for you. I want you to hear it. I want this song to go straight into your heart and maybe you'll understand...

I would like to visit you for a while
Get away and out of this city
Maybe I shouldn't have called but
Someone had to be the first to break
We can go sit on your back porch
Relax
Talk about anything
It don't matter
I'll be courageous if you can pretend
That you've forgiven me

Because I don't know you anymore
I don't recognise this place
The picture frames have changed
And so has your name
We don't talk much anymore
We keep running from the pain
But what I wouldn't give to see your face again

Springtime in the city
Always such a relief from winter freeze
The snow was more lonely than cold if you know what I mean
Everyone's got an agenda
Don't stop keep that chin up you'll be alright
Can you believe what a year it's been
Are you still the same?
Has your opinion changed?

Because I don't know you anymore
I don't recognise this place
The picture frames have changed
And so has your name
We don't talk much anymore
We keep running from the pain
But what I wouldn't give to see your face again

I know I let you down
Again and again
I know I never really treated you right
I've paid the price
I'm still paying for it every day

So maybe I shouldn't have called
Was it too soon to tell?
Oh what the hell
It doesn't really matter
How do you redefine something that never really had a name?
Has your opinion changed?

Because I don't know you anymore
I don't recognise this place
The picture frames have changed
And so has your name
We don't talk much anymore
We keep running from the pain
But what I wouldn't give to see your face again


See? it fits SO WELL. Your name... what the hell is "Zack" Ew much? That's what I thought. You are Zach. Ha. And the whole "recognise this place"... you moved, dummy. I don't even know where, so i can't show up at your house... but I know where your mom's shop is... maybe I'll drop by when I get my license.

I have my permit now. There's so much for us to talk about. You're in wrestling. Do you remember that summer when I would pull you into the pool? You're so gullible, Zach. And so very good-looking. And so sweet.

I wouldn't dare wrestle you now, you'd have me on the floor in seconds. I used to win at that too.

You see, we're two sides of the same coin, neither of us is willing to concede a victory, so we'd just do better and better. I don't practice any more. There's no one to be better than than myself, and that was never good enough. I need you.

But I guess you don't need me...

You know, I'd be fine, but I never got to say goodbye. Let's talk, and then we can say goodbye. And I'll miss you, but that's okay, because there's restitution. Conclusion. My bloody writer's mind won't let you go.

You have a girlfriend....... don't ask me how I know. Actually, go right ahead. At least it's somewhere to start.

And I'm not a whore. Matt and I are still together. He's the only one I've ever been with. It's been 2 1/2 years now... maybe we can talk.

Maybe I'll wait until next year... when i get my license in September... sophomore year's the worst. I'll wait 'til you're a junior.

...you're on my list, you know. List of people I have to kiss the night before my wedding. God, but you're beautiful. At least, you were beautiful the last time I saw you.

Forgive me for sounded arrogant, but who doesn't need me... wow that sounds so self centered. But I'm a person, and I'm special. I'm not anyone else, perhaps even more so than the thousands of people who go through life living and partly living.

Bleh. Miss you. Miss everything.

Your ring broke. The heart-shaped mood ring you bought for me... remember? We got into the car and as we were pulling onto the road, we were looking at the color and t was dark blue. And we read the little slip of paper and it said "passion" or something like that. And I looked into your eyes and I was scared....

I was scared of being something because neither of us were mature enough to be anything. I want an Alternate Universe.

But yes, that ring. It broke. I'd worn it every day since that one, then Matt asked me out and I said yes and... it broke within the week. A sign, I know.

He got me a ring once but I lost it.

I've never been able to wear a ring for such a long time again.

Damnit, but you were beautiful.

Doesn't this all sounds like I still have a thing for you? Ha! Maybe I do! But I doubt it. Believe me, if I started talking about Matt.

Okay. No hard feelings, and no talking about him.

But the point is, I just want a chance to say goodbye. Please, Zach... let me say goodbye.

- AnneMarie

Oh and thanks to Savage Garden for the song ~.^ you make it real.

P.S. - Adam wanted to ask me out too... o_O what is with all these people liking me and not telling me! Dear God. I was yours, Zach, but you never took the chance. I would have said yes. Oh, I would have SO said yes.

P.P.S. - did I do something? I mean, besides the whole going-out-with-Matt thing. I thought it wouldn't last, you know? And you didn't actually ask me out. We weren't together. I wish you had....... Or maybe not. As I said, I want an AU.
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