i miss you. you've been confusing me a lot lately- toying with my emotions, it feels like. i know you wouldn't do it on purpose, but it feels like you are. one minute you're sweet and cuddly and adorable and sweet and the next minute, you go into big brother mode over something. Let me admit it now- i love you. I hate myself for this, believe me. It should never have come about to begin with and every second i'm wondering how i could let it. I'm debating letting you read one of your letters, but i wonder what you would think? Breezy thinks you'd be fine with this whole thing. And she's always right. But i'm afraid to tell you all the same...I mean- what if you didn't think i was serious? To tell all truth, you'd have every right to. I mean, i'm two years younger than you, hundreds of thousands of miles away, and it's not like i have any redeeming qualities about me. I'm just flat out pathetic.I fell for you really hard and i'm admitting it with every word i type here. I know that there's no way in hell that you could feel the same about me, hell, not even a degree- i'm never going to be anything more than your little sister. You're the sweetest guy i know, you're amazing and sweet and adorable and cuddly, i could go on for days. I'm so scared, Dev.....By the time you find this out, it's going to be too late, i'm positive. If you ever find out. I'm forever glancing up at the sky and wondering what you're doing then, whether or not you're happy, what you're thinking about. And as to the rain...I never met anyone that liked to walk in the rain like me. I never met anyone who could do this to me on such short notice. But the rain now- whenever it falls and i go for my walk, i spend most of the time, usually, thinking about you. It reminds me of you now. You just...I don't even know if i can put into words exactly what you do to me. You seem to think so much of me- that i didn't deserve what branden did to me, that i'm a good person, that i might even be pretty. It amazes me that you could even think those things when they're so obviously not true- and you're so oblivious to the fact that i love you, too. I've come really close to telling you and I'm on pins and needles thinking about it, but i don't want to ruin the friendship we have. I'm so confused, but i'll end this here because i don't know how to put this into words.