Kat-oh like WHOA. (deadlydandelion) wrote in _letterstoyou_,
Kat-oh like WHOA.
deadlydandelion
_letterstoyou_

Jessica~

These words will never get to you, but I'll say them anyway. You're my best friend Jessica. And out of all the "best friends" I've had, you've been the best. But, out of all, you've damaged me the most. And I don't think you realize it. Or care.

I can't pinpoint exactly what it is about you that makes you a best friend. Maybe it's just that you're funny and open-minded and the most like me (in a totally opposite way). Maybe it's just because. I dunno, but you are. And it hurts me everytime you talk about going to a different highschool. Because, in the end, I'm going to be the one stuck at the exact same school, in the exact same environment, with everyday going exactly the same. Except you won't be there.

And when you hang out with Jimenez it crushes my heart and tears it into bits. I think I've actually grown a tiny resentment for her, although it might just be jealousy. I don't know if you'd understand this in anyway, seeing that Jimenez is probably YOUR best friend, but I can't go through that again. It'd be the second time she's done it and I'll probably go mad trying to keep a fucking smile and acting like it doesn't matter. You never saw that she only came to us (or, more accurately, YOU) when she couldn't be with Stephanie? Don't you see she only started hanging out with us now that Stephanie has named her in her mind (forever and always) "the liar; the snitch"?! GOD!! Although you wouldn't believe me if I told you.

You never laugh with me, you always get so fucking depressed and silent. And it fucking kills me. All those damn smiles and yells and playfulness is just so that I don't burst out crying right there before everyone. If it's me, just fucking tell me and get it over with. I'm sad and tired of being dragged around like some little fucking doll. And most of all, I'm tired of not having a reason to fucking hate you. Or yell at you, at least; just as you do with me.

Sometimes I don't think you realize how much I NEED you. Just writing this is making me hurt. Without you, I'd be stuck with all the people in our class that we hate and I really can't go back to that. I know I'm supposed to be able to be whole (to exist) on my own, but goddamnit, I'll do that later. For now, I need you, so don't leave me behind. Please?

But, most of all, Jessica, all I want to do is walk up to you and go "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" as loudly as possible. Just so you would see that you're not the only person that's upset.
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