July 16th, 2009

angry panda

(no subject)

to all those things that were left unsaid,

i think that when i dream of you lately...they're just dreams
i'm actually quite surprised when i dream of you anymore.
whether i got over you or just simply gave up hope i'm not really too sure.
i think that one day i woke up and realized that you were just never meant for me.
if you had been things may have worked out.
i don't know if you're happy, i don't really know where we'll end up in life.
i honestly just wish that we were still friends.
we were REALLY GOOD at being friends.
good for eachother, healthy.
maybe we were meant to be really great friends.
but i got cheated out of that....
by time..space..people for sure...unwantability?

yeah i dunno.
there were some days that i stayed up just wondering if you ever really forgave me.
and then the second thought that would undoubtedly enter my head was...why do i care?
i mean...you moved on. clearly.
and FARRRR before i ever did...again..clearly.
sometimes i feel like an idiot when i talk about you or ask about you...cuz i think to myself...

i was SO pathetic...for like..6 years about you. and my friends always had to hear it. and then i think...shit..they're gonna think that i'm still like super madly in love with him...when really i'm just honestly 100% just curious for your well-being.

well whatever the case may be i'm pretty sure that i'm just over you. i was just infatuated by the idea of you and what you represented. you are the best experience of my life so far...both learning experience and just emotional love experience. whether you loved me back or not really doesn't even matter to me anymore.
i know that i loved you with everything i had. some things happened...life is hell right? but it doesn't change how i felt about you.

i'll always love you. and if you showed up at my doorstep asking for my help...on anything. there is no way that i could possibly say no. I just wish you knew that. knew all of this. we'll see where life leads us...but where ever it may be i hope it finds you well and happy. That much i will always hope for. maybe in another life we'll be what we were meant to be. whatever that may be.

love always,
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