January 27th, 2009


(no subject)

Dear J n R,

       I fake it everyday. You see the smile on my face, but not the cracks in my heart. You hear a sharp, sarcastic rant, but don't see the tears I'm crying when I know most definetly that I am alone.
I told you about the cuts in my leg. You ignore them. Turn your head when I'm getting dressed. You know everything is not okay, yet you haven't a clue how deep it runs. I wish I could love you like you want, but I just hate myself so much...
We just had this conv. recently about SI. You said I better never. You said you and J keep tabs on me. Obviously you don't, but I wish you did. You're my BFF and I don't mean that as some stupid initials. You're better than having a blood sister, you are my sister. I know you could help me. But I can't say anything to tell you how much I am hurting. And you will never, never see the tears or the blood.

And still I will hide from you both. Keep this smile so you don't have to hurt too.