January 4th, 2009

Can I swallow this bottle whole? So this brain in my head can forget your face..

So, I feel like I'm going crazy. I have bottled this up for over 8 months and ordinarily I'm not good at keeping secrets. I would give anything to be able to tell you.. but it would just be to make me feel better, which is selfish. If I told you, you might not want to be friends anymore and/or get freaked out and run off somewhere. Or maybe I'm that obvious that you've figured it out by now. I don't know. Normally I say have no regrets about the past, it's over and it made me who I am blah blah - but on this one mistake I wish I had a time machine. There's a distinct lack of time machines. It's annoying =/ I've learned a lot more by now. I'm older and a teeny bit wiser and I wouldn't be so frigging stupid again.

I just had to write this down, as I always do when I start to feel I'm going a bit insane, lol. I hear bottling stuff up is bad. The advice I got from a couple of people was to get over it. I tried that. Apparently my way of getting over someone is to go out with someone else, and it did absolutely nothing this time what with him being a jerk and all. I did manage for a while, I thought I was getting over it... then I realised I was so wrong it's not even funny.

I just don't know what to do anymore. Unsent letters are obviously pointless, though they do make me feel a wee bit better sometimes. It's getting more difficult though. But I HAVE to get over it, there is no other option. Once I figure that out, maybe everything will be better?

I don't know. Sometimes I'm so glad this community is here hah.

Love Lisa, the coward