January 2nd, 2009

wicked me

wishing it would end

Dear J, 

You should know I don't love you, you should know it's seriously not you, it really is me. I can't love anyone, not like THAT. I love my BFF, my brother, my baby, my dogs, but not like THAT. I told you in the beginning, 3 years ago, the same thing I've always told every man I've ever been with. Don't fall in love with me, just don't do it. And you did. You'll never understand why I can't be in love. Why I can't give that love. I don't even understand. But that is how it is, how it will always be. In the beginning I cared for you so much more. We could have been companions at least. But now I don't even feel that. You've gotten so boring, so sloppy, so old the past few years. I used to wonder why people stayed in relationships and now I know. It's convenience. It's the only reason I'm still with you. It's easier for me to just smile and pretend, and you know it, you go right along with it, because you're boring and too lazy to clean yourself up to find another woman. And the only reason I haven't left you yet is because I'm too broke and I have my childs happiness I have to pretend for too. The truth is you're starting to discust me, to repel me and your too fcking blind and lazy to do anything about it. I've tried and I'm tired of trying. I. AM. DONE. and you my dear are a moron. I really truly wish you would at least find some bar btch to do on the side. It would make me happy.

much loathing,

A
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