October 10th, 2008

(no subject)

I walked away from you and I regret it.

I wish I could just say this to you.

There hasn't been a day when I haven't missed you, and there hasn't been a day when I haven't thought of you.  I can almost feel your fingers in mine, and it hurts that I give you openings and you don't take them.
Well, I gave you one.
I would give anything to have you stop asking him about me, stop telling him that you miss me, and have you start telling me.

I miss you so much it hurts sometimes.  And I can't fight for you any longer. 
He told me that we just got lazy.  Did we just get lazy?  I just can't take you kissing me and taking it back, and I can't take you saying the only form of relationship you want from me is a serious one but not even attempt to call me or text me.  I know this was a long time ago, but it still comes to mind.
I didn't get lazy.
I know you use the "I'm busy" reason, or maybe that was just him... But I know you aren't.  If you can call him every day after school, why can't you call me?  I would be more than happy to see you for an hour a week.  Just an hour.  Maybe it could help me figure out what I want from you....  if I want you. 

I hope you read this one day.  I wish I had never let you walk away from me, I wish I had never said "let's go on a break".  Maybe then you could still love me.  Maybe if I wouldn't have asked you to not kiss me, maybe then you could see...  I thought you needed space, dear.  I didn't.  I didn't want space, but you seemed to be doing better without me.  I still firmly believe that if you fixed things with me, you could be happier. 

I know it's hard, but I know you do, as well.  Someone that isn't even the tiniest bit in love doesn't ask about another every day.

my heart must still be in your basement.