June 14th, 2008

me

(no subject)

I always somehow seem to get myself in these situations. I missed you those two weeks you weren't calling me because I didn't want to deel as an afterthought. But now we've hung out the past three and days we're going to hang out on sunday again. Today is the funeral for your grandfather. You never mentioned it until last night. I wish you would stop being strong and let me in. trust me emotionally. you once said I didn't trust you emotionally although I trusted you physicially and now I feel like it's the same thing. I just wish you could see how much you've changed me and how much I've wanted to change so that you'd want me more.

I know you don't want a relationship. I know I do want one. I want to know that i''m wanted for more then sex. Call it my insecurity. I tried so hard to pretend that it's not what i wanted. But I want to be the girl on your arm when you go to a party. I don't want to be a random girl introduced one time to your friends. You asked the other night if i ever felt like sometimes we were dating even though we aren't and I was scaredd to say yes. I'm scared to put myself out there again. I'm scared you'll once again say no.

grrr you confuse me and I just wish we could get it firgured out but i have no clue how.
God I just want you to know that i put up with you because i love you. But I could never say that outloud to you even when you ask why i put up with you. maybe it's time to just through it out there on the line and see what will happen.