December 28th, 2007

(no subject)

dear fred,
  i dont know how to react. i know where you're coming from. believe it or not. i'm so afraid of opening myself up to you, because im pretty sure you would deny me. I'll never understand the feelings you had to go through in order to build up this dislike for me when all ive ever tried to do is impress you. you're my brother that i never had. and i miss you. I'm not sure if you'd want me to come visit you in the hospital but i think i have to take that risk. you've gotta be really lonely to want to kill yourself. but the thing that pisses me off ..... in front of your fucking daughter? everyone thinks shes too young to understand whats going on. but thats bullshit. i was just a year older than that when you first tried when living at this house. its effected me. I just have no idea what to do. you have to want to help yourself.
             your little sister who loves you,

dear logan,
    I'm glad you picked up when i called your phone. i didnt know what to ask or what to say. the only thing i knew was that you would understand. after talking to you it made me realize how much i miss being best friends. to tell the truth i do miss kissing you. even though i tell myself now it ment nothing. it did. you're the only person to really ever get me. it just sucks that you already found your one person. best friend and girl friend dont go together i guess. i wish you could hold me. you're the only person i ever let do that. i know that would be too weird and too much to ask for. I just hope maybe one day soon we can get together and not have it be awkward. At the same time you're sort of an ass. actually you're a complete ass. i miss you though. maybe this wiill be the thing to bring us back together again? as friends. at the same time. maybe i dont miss you ...