July 19th, 2007

oz, glittery, shoes

(no subject)

Dear You,
Well, well, well...
You called me today. I certainly wasn't expecting that.

I mean, I could've sworn I only just stopped thinking about you a few days ago.
And now? Everything relates to an inside joke of ours or something about you or something you did.
Everything comes back to you and it makes me sick.

I want to see you as a sister to me, but I don't know.
It's not easy. And I'd just love to say you're not making it easy for me, but I don't think it has a thing to do with you.

Call me again. Please. I left a message. I don't know, my cell's messed up or something.
It only rung after you called me. I hope you don't think I was blowing you off.
I suddenly want to talk to you. Just to hear your voice, maybe. Or something.

It's sad, isn't it?
I'm sick, aren't I?
You know, don't you?

Just call me, okay?

- Shaz

Dear brother,
Oh god. You remind me of those boys who tell girls they're fat when they're not just so the girl will be self-conscious and probably work herself into anorexia, and then they could say, "I made a girl anorexic!" And yes. I've met them.
But you're worse. Because I'm related to you.

And when you tell me I'm fat, or that I'm "confused" and you blast all your homophobic, ignorant, asshole judgmental shit on me - it fucking hurts. Not in the "I want to cry myself to sleep" way, but in the "well, fuck you too" way. And you WONDER why I say I hate you. Why I never want you in my room. Why I don't like you near me.

And it didn't start recently. Oh no. This has been going on since that little "incident" when I was eight. Do you remember that? I bet you don't. But it haunts me every single day. But you know what? This has probably been going on since I was born.

Just remember - you're the competitive one, not me. But it'll feel so damn good to just stick my heel into your back when you're down. God, it'll feel so good.

- Shaz
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(no subject)

Dear Pat.
There are so many things I am thankful for. I am sorry I had to leave you, but it was an internal decision. It pained. I am sorry, I am glad we can still be friends though.  People had this glorified view of us as a couple and that made me mad. I could not live up to their expectations, to my expectations as a girlfriend. You have so much love to give. But to someone who will love you as much in return. I will miss it sometimes but I am 18. I just want to be by myself? My feelings changed. How hard is that to understand? You think I liked hurting your feelings? It sucked, and it still does. I still care about you,
roboticElle xo

roboticElle,
Its back again. It did not go away.
From Maggie
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I would like a pen pal

Age:24

Location: Southern California

Hobbies: Animals, vegetarian cooking, spices and new recipes for sweets, buddhism, painting, photography, writing, coffee shops, listening to talk radio AND collecting Vinyl

Music you dig: anything with a good sound
Favorite bands include:
Moldy Peaches
Postal Service
Moby
Terra Naomi
Death Cab for Cutie

Books you like: Anything by Kafka, Thomas Hobbes, Rinpoche, and Machavelli. I love to read in general. I can't get enough books.
My favorite books include- calvin and hobbes (every single comic), The Joy of Living, Deepak Chopra's The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success and How to Know God, Anne of Green Gables and my mom's newest to be release Stud Muffins - which is trashy and funny but I love my mom, so she's on the list

RANDOM FACTS ABOUT ME
I'm a buddhist living in Southern California. I don't watch TV and I'm a vegetarian. I surf, I would love to brew my own beer someday. We have a cat, 2 pet rats and a guinea pig. I graduated from UCSC. I've been to Australia and loved it. My current favorite read is The Joy of Living. I worked several years as a chef and went to culinary school. I collect tibetan prayer beads and vinyl records.
trapped

(no subject)

dear dylan

i really wish you could be a little more adult. if you were, neither of us would be feeling this way now. you wouldn't be leaving to probably go start your alcoholism, and you wouldn't be pulling my cousin into it.

if you grow up at all in new york, take care of yourself and take care of kyle. i love you both..

and i ment it when i said that i miss you.. i wish you could see that. i wish you weren't bitter. i wish things would have went better for us, and i really wish that they started differently in the first place.

i don't really believe this myself, well at least not fully, but it's my fault. i'm sorry. and i'm sorry for you.

love tiffany
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