I'm sorry. I lied. I'm lying to everyone.
Yeah, I still love you. Or like. Whichever you prefer. I've been keeping it secret since I told you.
I know you TOLD me you don't like me. But I can't help but think you're leading me on.
We all know how overactive my imagination is though.
I'm constantly seeing things that aren't there. Like you seeing me the way I see you.
But you're just so perfect in everything, and I know sometimes I don't treat you like you are. I just wish I could be honest with you and tell you this.
But I've already fucked up our friendship enough.
When I see you again, I'm going to be different. I'm going to have to lie harder. Try harder to keep it all inside.
Because if I feel like this when I don't see you, I can't imagine what it'll be like when I do.
It might mean no more hugs. Or no more of those jokes. Those care-free happy moments when I didn't have to watch my tongue because I wasn't afraid you might take the meaning the wrong way.
I won't even try to subtly hint it.
I'm going to try to move on slowly, but you know how impossible that is for me.
I told you about all that BEFORE all this happened.
Honestly, right now, I don't think you care about this. You probably don't even see it as a problem, but here I am, writing about it as I'm tearing the tissue of my mouth apart with my teeth. And you'll never see this. You'll never see any of it.
You were always so blind. But then it was you who said I was good at hiding it.
It was just everyone else had already caught on.