June 3rd, 2007

Callous Ramblings from a Very Jaded 16-Year-Old

Dear Parents,

Why did you send me to Catholic school? I don't think you know what it is like. Let me tell you.

The school is divided into various and assorted groups of idiots. You have the obvious: popular airheads with mucho $$$$$ who think that because they have mucho $$$$$ that they should use it and assume that it makes them infinately better than everyone else. They also spend an awful lot of time talking about sex and alchohol, to an almost troubling extent. They probably spend three times more time talking about it than they do actually doing it.

Then you have the honors preps who basically deserve to die for their arrogance. Annoyingly enough, they seem to believe that because they have high IQs that they are the pinacle of teenage wisdom. What they fail to realize, as they spew philosophically disgusting stuff during intellectual discussions in various classes, is that their sheltered caucasian upper-middle-class white-collar opinions are incredibly shallow. Often, they are so ridiculous, they're funny. They are also obsessed with getting into Ivy League colleges.

Then you have the scenesters. They seem to hold firm the idea that because they listen to "indie" bands and style their hair in side parts and wear shirts with little apples on them and wear skinny jeans, that they are unique. They further display their individuality by wearing the same makeup, having the same color iPods, and buying the same (GUESS WHAT? DESIGNER OMG) brands. They also have a perchant to writing truely awful poetry about their broken, bleeding hearts and posting it, ad nauseum, in their obnoxious livejournals. They scribble little pictures of hearts in the margins of their notebooks, love "retro" things yet know nothing about great retro music, and say "RAWR" and "BANG GUN BANG BULLET LOVE HEART LOL" an awful lot.

My dear parents, how do you expect me to deal with their incredible arrogance for two more years? Why can't I go to public school? Now I know it might not be much better considering wherever I do there will be stupid kids, but at least I won't be surrounded on ALL sides by spoiled, selfish know-it-alls.

Love,

-Your Skeptical, Suffering, Cheifly-Pissed-Off, Peer-Hating, Give-the-World-the-Finger, Don't-Call-Me-I'll-Cal-You Daughter with an Incredibly MOTHER Superiority Complex and a Big-Ass Chip on her Shoulder
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bitter nostalgia.

Dear Erik,

How is it that i ever let any one get this close to me at all? I warned you of my emotional tentativeness, and you told me the last thing you would ever do was make me sad. It's so typical thinking about it now, and yet, i believed you because I trusted you.

You don't get why I'm so upset now. You don't see my cry, but I did. You make me feel like the most stereotypical girl, and i hate that. I'm so much better than the way you've been treating me. I know you are just a guy, and that being said, my expectations aren't the highest, but I can't help but think about the way things used to be and that's what gets me so sad.

I used to make you so happy. You told me that i was the only thing in your life that could make you happy. Do you remember our first date? I was so nervous when you picked me up. We were over 30 minutes early for our movie, so we messed around in the arcade and watched the end of 2 other movies. You called me every single night, and we talked for hours about everything. Important things. About life, and religion, and the future. Our goals and aspirations. Things i don't talk about with every one else. You'd call me just to tell me something you got in the mail.

Then there was the night you drove to my house at 1 in the morning after not seeing me for that one weekend. Even though it was 1 in the morning, you wanted to drive the 30 minutes just to see me. When i went away for the weekend, you'd actually miss me. You'd call me to talk, and you couldn't wait to see me when i got home. You took me out for valentine's day, and you even made me that card which was soo... you. I loved it. You always thought to text me at the end of a night, or call me. Things like that always always made me feel so good. It feels so good to be thought of. When i made you that card for your birthday, you kept it and told me how much you liked it.. and knew every detail of it.

You'd ask me to come over your house just to see you and hang out. We'd spend hours and hours together, and do whatever randomly. You would always just want to do things with me, do everything with me. And the same thing went for me. You knew that... it's still true for me. What's hurting so bad now, is that it feels like you're changing.

I don't know what it is. I do know, though, that I'm not something for your convenience. You know how bad you hurt me last night? God.. When we were sitting there watching Munich I had to really hold back from crying. I'm sorry I apparently "made you drive" to my house. As if it's such a bad thing to come and see me. You just seemed so annoyed to be in my presence. I'm very sorry about that. But FUCK you if you think I'm going to just sit back and let you treat me like the fucking dirt you walk on.

I am a very smart, beautiful girl with a mind and body better than you ever fucking deserve.

I deserve to be treated with respect, like any other human being on this earth.

I am a kind person, but do not mistake my kindness for weakness. I am **definitely** not the type of person to be taken advantage of.

I am not full of myself, but I definitely know where i draw the line between "letting it slide" and telling you to fuck off. You have been making me feel like such shit, and I do not deserve that. I promised myself when I saw my friends being treated badly by guys that I wouldn't let a guy treat me this way--- the way you have been treating me. Yes, when I thought of how it used to be, I got sad. You, however, do not control me. Contrary to what you may think, I do NOT need you. I would, in fact, be a functioning human being without you. You seem to think that you've got me, I'm not going anywhere. You are going to have to make alot more effort if you really want to keep me.

I don't want to throw away our entire relationship over these past few incidents. But- I just expressed my feelings to you, how i'm sick of being disregarded, and you tell me you are going to call me when you get home? Once again, you are expecting ME to wait for YOU. Please.

I'm not going to sit around and wait for you too change. So please, honey bunch, understand where i'm coming from.

and i'm sorry you can't handle me being smarter than you.

Love,
Angela
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