i tell him that it's gross. i banter him. i know, and i watch. even though i'm with him in bed, and in fast food restaurants i'm alone. i have so many secrets waiting to come out. but i can't tell the truth now. i've made my bed and i can't fall asleep in it. i find myself adding and subtracting dividing by the square root of odd numbers and then multiplying by maybe trying to come up with some sort of solution that wont blow my cover. this horrible facade. i can't think of any way to tell it. i'm addicted to more than the human physique, i think that i've gone too far this time. my nose has been stopped up for more than a week, and im bringing him down with me. for once, i'd like to love someone, to care so much about them, to tell the truth. to not need them but actually love them, completely. and it doesnt help i'm losing my friends. honestly, whats really going on is i'm beating around the bush. why do humans have to be social creatures? i would be perfectly content by myself but the world says i have to have friends. well i dont want them, really, i don't. i have no use for them, in fact, i can't think of one reason people need friends besides something to compare themselves to and realize how completely pathetic their lives are. see also: The Jones's, see also: Obsessive Complusive Disorder, see also: The Live's of Your Parents. as well as that was, i'd also like to add that every single place i go i can't help but thinking that the snotty nose 16 year old boy with dirt under his fingernails ringing up my lettuce, doritos, and other various food products used to fuel the human body has jacked his small cock to a woman, therefore, he knows what my body looks like under my jeans. can't these whores stop slutting themself all over the internet, i feel so god damn awkward going anywhere or talking to any boys, or coming near them. okay, i'll be honest, in truth i want to be special...for someone, you know, new, and these bitches on the internet are making the boys of our society desensitized towards sex. its suppose to be special, girls are suppose to be sacred, sex is suppose to be intimate, not lacey bigdildo and mr. cockypants screwing to over-exertion. okay, i'll be honest, i want this to end, to forget it ever happened, go back in time if you will. i like to remind myself sometimes, that i can't fix the problems of the world alone, therefore, i have to deal with them, which is probably more frustrating than if mr cockypants couldn't get it up for lacy bigdildo. jesus christ what's wrong with this world (if you count existentialism, i suppose i am the world).