March 4th, 2007

me

(no subject)

Dear ryan,

I told justin in the beginning of sugust that I was about to make a big mistake when I went to the movies with you and you've proven me right. I've known something was wrong with you for the past two days and you would say nothing about it. turns out Silence does make you uncomfortable. eventually you spilled and what you said really hurt me. Now that I look at it I'm glad we never had sex. were you just using me for everything else? I love how I spent money on a plane ticket for you because I thought that maybe there would be something and that I missed you. It's time for me to stop missing you and thinking about you because all i get is pain. I thought perhaps you might still miss me but then you go and say something so insensitive tonight. screw the box I just sent you and spent money on. i kind of hope you burn it now just so that I can get over you. I thought I meant something to you when you sent me the teddy bear but I guess that was wishful thinking on my part. time to forget turturkle and tickling and any othe cute things you've done for me.

" I'm not a huge fan of marathon phone calls, but I do call you (albeit relatively rarely) and you call me and its nice but other than that we live like 1000 miles apart and outside of Sudoku puzzles don't really have THAT much in common outside of the fact that I like you and I assume you like me"

remember that part of the conversation and when you start to miss by cookies and care packages remember that it's your fault and that I tried my hardest. So screw this wishing to be with you. you'll always be that person in the back of my mind that I compare everyone to but apparently we're not meant to be. Time to force myself to move on and be alone for once. perhaps some other nice guy who actually cares about me will come along and sweep me off my feet.

I'm not okay (I promise)

-Turturkle