February 22nd, 2007

(no subject)

dear you,
i keep hearing about people dying from "skydiving" and it really scares me. i'm scared to tell you that i don't want you to do it again, because i'm scared you won't listen. i know i did it and i was stupid but i had nothing to live for then. now i have you, and i can't lose you. i don't want you to do that again. please, do something for me for once. consider the fact that i need you in my life, you are my life, and if anything happens to you i'll die. i literally will. don't you want to be with me forever? don't risk it being shorter than it could be, please. i love you so much. wouldn't you rather be with me for years and years than get high a few times? just think about it. it's not worth it. i love you. i need you, baby.
-me

dear you,
you're so annoying, i can't wait to leave. i can't live with you. i can't even stay home for one day without wanting to run away. i can't deal with anything. i'm the most impatient person you'lll ever meet. you drive me insane. and so does your son. i hate him. i don't hate you, but i cannot live with you.
-me

What a waste of my breath. . . . .

Dear Kim,

For days I have wasted my breath talking to you, trying to fix my frustrations with you. I have made no ground. It is just happening over and over again. Your outburst tonight was just the same thing and I just get so pissed off sitting and thinking about all the time I have spent trying to get through to you.

OK about tonight, Quin must not think I have a cause to be angry, but yes I do. I asked you to sit by me, you were sad and unconfortable the short time that you sat by me and found that excuse to get mad and then find you way back to Quin. You have no need for me when he is present and that was verified tonight. You were so happy within moments of getting over by him.

I cannot continue this night after night, you only need me at your convenience and you can deny it all you want but the last months have proven it to me and that is why I have given up. And yes you have won the fight, it is over, my breath will not be wasted anymore. Call it stupid or what ever you want but I cannot fight anymore with you. I cannot continue to be angry day after day with you and then have you lay the guilt on me or tell me that I am insane.

You have told me sorry time and time again and I dont want to hear it anymore. If you need to be sorry every day of your life to me, then there is definately a problem. Maybe I am it and I will end you problem.

I love you,

MOM