February 11th, 2007

(no subject)

worst feeling in the world?

there are a couple.

one of them is being unable to do anything. when you know someone is hurting and you cant do a damn thing but sit there on the phone. it hurts. it hurts alot. hell, i cried a little afterwards. i loved college becuase it kept me away from peoples bull. it kept me from having to deal with people, my family, my problems. but it also keeps me away from the people i love and care about. and hearing that person being torn and hurt and lonely.. and not being able to do anything at all but say im so sorry hurts the most. i hate being away from the people i care about. i love being away from the ones i dont. fucking college.

i wish i was there with you too. i mean that with the utmost bottom of my heart. it broke me, not just my heart, to hear you earlier. it broke me.

(no subject)

dear you,
you commented me. =D i thought you were avoiding me and it made me veryyy upset. i wanna hang out with you, bitch.
-me

dear you,
i miss you so much, you have no idea. and it's only been two days. not even. i love seeing you every day<3. i'm gonna die next week.
-me

dear you,
i'm sorry i don't answer your calls sometimes. nothing personal, i'm just too lazy or too tired lol. i love you, you're the best friend i've ever had and idc what anyone else says.
-me

(no subject)

dear kyle,
while we arn't officially broken up, my heart has been smashed into pieces. i have spent the past few days crying and numb from taking so much lorazapam. there is too much pain. i want so badly to see you, to feel your arms around me, whispering that it'll be alright. to have you even look at me, aknowledge me. i don't think you understand how much pain i'm in. trying to fight off my tendancy to self destruct. trying to eat. trying not to hurt myself. i just want this to stop.

i have gone to hell and back for you. endlessly listening to your every desire. spending every cent i have so that you are never without weed (and i don't even smoke it, it was all for you). when was the last time i did anything for myself? i never buy myself clothes, i never buy myself a treat here and there. and all this means nothing to you? i am painfully in love with you...and you say you love me...but, in a day, there is nothing?

on friday i was upset about an image you downloaded onto your phone. you refused to delete it, despite having many pictures of me that you could use as a background. i asked you to please delete it, it would just be another woman i feel that i'm in competition with to be pretty and thin. this 5'6 103lb girl that stands before you just wants to feel pretty. just needs you to remind her every so often that the demons in her head are lying. that she isn't a worthless fat ugly pig. i have not seen you since. you refuse to talk to me. and it's not like i'm not letting you do any "guy thing", i put up with your ridiculous porn collection, those posters on the wall. just one little picture, gone, is all i asked.

i have taken your shit, forgiven you every time. bit my toungue all those times i knew i was right, but you wouldn't accept it. my entire life has revolved around what you want and your happiness for the past year and a half. i am at a loss for words...

i just want this to stop. please call me soon...

love always,
your skeletor

(no subject)

Dear Rob,
As much as you broke my heart and ripped my insides out, I guess I still feel something for you.
We spoke and got all of it out.
No more secrets.
I seen you friday, I just didnt wanna talk.
I know it was shit, but I guess it felt awkward.
You looked so good btw.
Thank you for txtin me when I got home to see if I was okay.
I wasnt, I lied. Shocking I know.
Im sorry she dumped you btw.
Even though it did make me smile when I found out.
Maybe see you this week?

Deal D.
Your a shit.
I got you completely utterly stupidily wrong.
I guess I got what I deserved.
I mess 2 boys around and the one I finally decide I want to be with says no.
Oh well, ive seriously learned my lesson.

Bring on the single life yet again.
Whats another day or month or year on top of the last few months.

(no subject)

dear you,
i'm sorry. i'm the brat.
i love you. can we please get married right nowwww?
-me

dear you,
lol you're such a loser, you always yell at me for hanging out with people i don't like that much, and you hung out with her today. you're funny. lol you should really just ditch her next time. she's insane.

btw, thanks for listening to me complain about everything all the time lol. you're the best.
-me