January 23rd, 2007

(no subject)

dear you,
i hate not being able to get in touch with you. i hateee your mother. i want to run away with you and leave everything behind. i love you. please be okay, pretty girl..
-me

i post here too much

dear you,
stop ditching me for people you just met =(. i love you and you're one of my best friends, and you make me laugh, and i like to hang out with you! if you don't come with us on saturday you're gonna make me veryyy upset. you better come =(.
-me

dear you,
why are you being so caring all of a sudden? it's weird. you're friends with her.. not really me. i mean, i guess we're friends too but it's just weird. whatever, maybe it's just me. but thanks anyway, you're really sweet and it means a lot.
-me

dear you,
when you were talking about psychologists and how you hate them and would rather just talk to me about everything last night, you made me smile like.. times a million because no one ever says stuff like that to me and i love it when people talk to me about themselves. i'm really glad you feel comfortable enough with me to do that. i know i was a bitch for a while but you still trust me and i promise i won't ever be like that again. it was a big mistake..
btw-KISS HER! you said you wanted to.. just do it! it's so obvious you both want it to happen. i'm gonna smoosh your faces together soon.
-me

dear you,
you decided to throw away all your cigarettes the one day i was gonna try to take some from you.
-me

dear you,
what's with the bitch attack all of a sudden? you're birthday's in like 2 days. are you scared of getting older? because compared to most people's parents you're pretty young. i really hope that's not the reason because it's rediculous and you're taking it out on people who have nothing to do with that.
-me
love

possibly maybe

Merchant,

Yes, you're a beautiful male. Yes, you've a wonderful personality. Yes, I want to watch all of those movies with you. Yes, I want to play with your hair and hug you. Yes, you can stay over anytime you want.

I don't want to hurt you. I don't want to hurt me. I don't want to hurt him. I'm sorry I flirt back. You know I like you...you have to know. I'm probably not right for you, anyway. I know you can do much better than me. (After all, you're one of the most attractive males ever, and with a voice like that? Why would you even waste your time on me?)

I had a great time last night. I want to have more great times with you. I'd just like to keep them a bit more platonic than they were last night.

Hugs,

Me.
  • Current Music
    Bjork, maybe Bright Eyes soon.
BOTHER THE DALEK!

(no subject)

Dear Self,
No guy is worth your life. Next time you take 10 paxil spit them out. Stupid you.

Dear Jesse,
Thanks for breaking up with me a week before my birthday. Havea good life.

Dear Corey,
Why were you the one i turned to? Why do i have to love you even tho you hurt me? Wanna know why? Cz i thrive off my own pain. But thanks for kissing me and telling me you still loved me. Thank you for telling me you didnt want me to die.

Dear Everyone who cares,
thanks...
  • Current Mood
    confused confused
in repair

And I'm seeing the truth for the first time...

Carl
I loved you. I thought I was still in love with you. I realize now, I was in love with your image. I was in love with what you made me think of, not you. I see now that you're only going to hurt me again. I can't do it. I thought I could. I thought the month would be good for me. It won't be. No matter what, it won't be right. I feel tremendously like taking the month would be a bad decision. And I'm not setting myself up for a failure. I want to know what we could have had, but I don't think I'll ever get to see it. And I'm ok with that. You can say I'm a bitch, or whatever else you want to say. But I cannot handle the constant pain I felt when I was trying to make things work with you. You were good for awhile. But for at least 6 months, I've been depressed. I've wanted you back so badly, I've let the good things that could have happened in my life slip away. I let you walk all over me. I let you get away with things that I wouldn't have let my friends do. I can't tell you why. I wanted you to love me. I wanted you to say you missed me. I wanted you to be there for me. I wanted your friendship. But I got nothing. And now, I want nothing. I want to be free of you. I want to be able to hang out with whoever I want, whenever I want. I want to have a friends with benefits relationship with someone if I want to, without you telling me I'm a horrible person for doing it. I want to feel loved, and wanted and I found that with someone else. You can no longer fulfill what I need. You hold a special place in my heart, but a lot of the love I felt for you has left. And nothing can change that. You'd have to show interest in me, and I severely doubt that you're going to. You act like I'm nothing to you. And I feel like I'm nothing to you. That's the worst part about everything, I wanted to be something to you. And you made me nothing.
Thanks for toying with me all this time. I wish I had known that you would be nothing more than a jerk. I hurt you, yes. But I shouldn't have been punished this much. I'm done with you. Done. No more. This is the end, of everything we had.
I wish you the best. And hope you are happy with your girlfriend.
me.
  • Current Music
    the frog tank gurgling next to me