(no subject)
ive been avoiding this topic for quite some time. shaking as i write this because i have just been run down. in the shower usually. thinking of strange and twisted things that happened before it should have. i was (am) garbage. on a mixture of all sorts of drugs ranging from a to z. fell asleep halfway through. and still i lie lie lie. i really cant grasp the whole concept of my warped personality. why cant i even be honest to myself. it most likely lies on the pretense of childhood, as in most cases. the problem evolves out of being forced to eat eggplant or even molestation. its a slippery slope after that, have to watch those little ones. and i ignore it for the most part, but it comes up (surfaces) right as im on the brink of climax (surfaces). and then it stops, it slows. and again the ever persistent protagonist of the story is right there, pushing my hair back, kissing my nose, pulling me softly off and laying me down. slow slow slowing effect. reaching for the water and tissue. telling me "wonderful, i love you so much sweetheart". and i the ever persistent villian of the story responding in my head "1 2 3 3 2 5 5 4 9" strange number combinations. slow slow (surface) rustling, sqeaking, waking up "hey sweeite, bad dream?" "horrible".
