January 22nd, 2007

me

(no subject)

ive been avoiding this topic for quite some time. shaking as i write this because i have just been run down. in the shower usually. thinking of strange and twisted things that happened before it should have. i was (am) garbage. on a mixture of all sorts of drugs ranging from a to z. fell asleep halfway through. and still i lie lie lie. i really cant grasp the whole concept of my warped personality. why cant i even be honest to myself. it most likely lies on the pretense of childhood, as in most cases. the problem evolves out of being forced to eat eggplant or even molestation. its a slippery slope after that, have to watch those little ones. and i ignore it for the most part, but it comes up (surfaces) right as im on the brink of climax (surfaces). and then it stops, it slows. and again the ever persistent protagonist of the story is right there, pushing my hair back, kissing my nose, pulling me softly off and laying me down. slow slow slowing effect. reaching for the water and tissue. telling me "wonderful, i love you so much sweetheart". and i the ever persistent villian of the story responding in my head "1 2 3 3 2 5 5 4 9" strange number combinations. slow slow (surface) rustling, sqeaking, waking up "hey sweeite, bad dream?" "horrible".

(no subject)

Hey Garrett,
I've finally realized that I'm never going to NOT feel anything for you. But I am getting over you, and I realize that you could never be the best thing for me, no matter how much you make me smile and laugh and no matter how happy and safe you make me feel. You will always be my first love, nothing can change that, and I will always remember you, but continuing on loving you was slowly tearing me apart and keeping me from living my life and finding another boy out there to care about.

I love you,

Ashley

(no subject)

dear you,
i hateeee you so much. i really, really do. i want to take her away from youu. i want you to die. i know that sounds so terrible but i do. you're so bad to her. she's an amazing person and if you make her believe that she isn't then you don't deserve a daughter like her. i really hope you realize what a terrible mother you've been one day. i hate your guts.
-me

dear you,
i know you read some of my letters in this community to you and i'm so sorry if you read stuff from when i was mad at you. whatever i said, idk, i'm scared to look back and read it, but that's not how i feel about you.. i told you i say things i don't mean when i'm angry. i love you so much and i just need to let it out sometimes. it's not even meant to be towards you.. that's why i don't say any of it to you. i just need to take it out on something. idk. i'm so sorry. i love you.