January 13th, 2007

wonka candy vs liquor

A little bit of clarity...

J--
I'm really happy you're ok with me taking a month to see how things'll work with C. I've been so happy with you, but you don't want a girlfriend, and I want a boyfriend. I'm not ready for one, but I'd like to have someone to call mine again. I'm not saying I won't ever get to, or that I'm not happy to have you in my life, because I really am. I am so happy that I met you. You are a great friend to me, the fact that we don't act like we're just friends, isn't as important to me. You know so much more about the situation with C then even my best friends. I honestly feel like I know you so well. I want to know you better, and just share every secret I've ever had with you. You are just a great guy, and no matter what S says I believe you'll want a girlfriend at some point, and maybe I'll be that to you.

me

C--
You don't know how much I love you. You don't know how much I want something to happen with you again. I miss what we had. I hope we can make it work, and you'll get your month to prove it to me. I won't hang out with J, or hold him or even talk dirty with him, even though I might want to. But we will still be friends. I'm not going to be able to give up his friendship, he's just been there for me too much. I know how you feel, I hope we're making the right decision here. I don't want to lose my chance with J, if we don't work out, I'd hope to see about something with him. I want us to work though. I want love to spark again. And I want to make-out with you. I've missed that. Your note made me feel the way I've been needing to feel. I've needed to feel like you want me, and it helped with that.
Love, hugs, and kisses,
me

Self,
it'll be worth it. Even though you are breaking the stipulations set by C, to hang out/have benefits with J, it'll be worth it. You deserve some happiness, and one last hangout won't change too much. Don't get over J until you're sure you and C will have another chance.

me
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