January 12th, 2007

(no subject)

Dear you,
Im not sure if I love you anymore.
I swore I wouldnt let the distance between us ruin what we had but I think it has. Maybe we have just grown up and grown apart but things arent right. I dont know how you can see this.
Ive been home for weeks and you have shown no interest what so ever! I mean I thought being home for christmas would be awesome, things could be the way they used to be when we would spends hours in bed talking or whatever. I think that you could count the number of times we have kissed on one hand never mind the other stuff. I think I had all my hopes pinned on New Year. I thought it would be so perfect but it wasnt. Lying there waiting for it to be over. I hated you for that night and I hate the way you make me feel right now. Im so torn between wanting you, not wanting you and just wanting you to love me. Maybe you just dont think im hot anymore. I can understand if you dont want me anymore, I just wish you would tell me. Im so sick of always trying to give you what you want. Im always running after you. I bought new clothes to try and impress you! I get dressed up when we go out to impress you! Would a "you like nice babe" realy kill you.

Love From me

(no subject)

Dear Boy

The other night was perfect. Its the only word to describe it. We went out and had a laugh with everyone but it was when we went back to yours that was the special part. Its so silly that it was so perfect when technically nothing happened. No kisses. No sex or anything.

All you had to do was hold me in your arms and you had me. It was like in that movie "You had me at hello".
Thats all I needed. Thats all I wanted. I could have lay there forever.

We were joking about, lying with our noses touching. Our lips must have been milimetres apart and I so wanted you to kiss me. But you wouldnt cause you knew I had a bf. You wouldnt have but I would. I didnt even feel guilty. I knew I should have felt guilty and thats what worried me, that I didnt.

I have never been like that with a guy. Its always been *kiss kiss* now can we have sex? I dont want a guy like that. I want a relationship. I want someone who will tilt my head up just as im falling asleep. Look at me and say "you know youve got beautiful eyes". Just like you did.

In the morning we decided for the sake of our friendship we would forget anything ever happened. I thought I could but as soon as I left you something in me started to ache. I missed you. I never thought I would have feelings like this for you. YOU!. Just no. Not you.

Today I saw a picture of you and a girl. Kissing. It made me want to scream. I know your not mine and I know that im not yours. I knew that there was a girl that you had been kinda seeing but just seeing that photo. It killed me a little.

Im not sure what I want but it makes it worse that I dont have a decision. I know you dont want anything more than friends. And until the other night thats what I wanted to.

Now I think I want more. I want to know what it feels like to kiss you. . .*sigh*

Love your friend. B x