December 14th, 2006


(no subject)

i got the first hint of a negative feeling.
you were sweating and i disliked you so intensely, couldnt ever imagine myself fucking you.
and then we fucked. you whispered i love you, and i whispered i love you too. you told me i was beautiful and brushed my hair back, told me you wanted it to last forever, and then again, in the stillness of the room told me i was beautiful. you wrapped me in your arms. my bones didnt feel limp anymore, my teeth didnt feel soft, and we fell silent. i was falling asleep and you tucked me in, like you would tuck in a baby at night. you told me i was so fragile, so tiny, so easily hurt. you whispered that you wanted to save me from everything bad. 
i am like heroin and you are like a blessed child, injecting me into your perfect veins. i will take my toll on you. use up all your veins, become everything to you, you will do anything to have me, and i will prove to be evasive as always. i will be the one who leaves you first, i will be the one to betray you first. i will be that horrible itch in the middle of your back. i will be everything you want but nothing you need. i will be the candy rotting your teeth, i will be the bile you vomit when theres nothing left. i will be your lifeline that snaps. i will be your pervasive and insidious cancer.
i got the first hint of a negative feeling.