November 12th, 2006

(no subject)

I'm sorry that I said 'no' right to your face.
Mostly because I didn't mean it
And I'm regreting it something awful.
I don't care what they say....
Okay, so maybe I do...............
♥ A

Hey math,
You fucking suck!!!
Everything that is wrong in my life is your fault
Because of you, no 4.0 for me.

Stop being a bitch
And acting like a lesbian
And acting like your cool
And that those bitches are your "REAL" friends
Because me, your only true friend, wont be there for you anymore, as of today.

(no subject)

Dear L,

i wish that i could say i love you still, but i dont. I really loathe you. I know i got drunk a few times and yelled at you, but i always apologized then did my best to love you much more than i had the previous week. I blame your parents and friends for us breaking up. I know you dont and you would tell me that is some kind of excuse, and its really all my fault. Truthfully its all their fault. i know that only you and i were the only ones that mattered, but you are still under their control even though you are 20. Its sad, you love them so much but they shit all over you. I feel bad that you have to call them family. I want to smash your face in so badly when i think about you. That night i called you i was only asking for your advice and nothing else. But you were drunk and felt it necessary to be a fucking asshole to me. At that moment i cut you out of my life for good. Then you had the audacity to have one of your friends call me and tell me my dad was dead? really? i didnt think you would ever go that low. My dad is dying....and i just cant believe you. Not to mention those guys who you got to try and jump me at the tailgate, you should know i love to fight. I especially loved hurting your friends for all the times they painted fake smiles towards me. I never ever did anything to them, but they still never gave me a chance. My friends and family accepted you because i loved you. Thats all they needed to see. Your family saw you loved me and that wasnt good enough. A persons friends are a direct reflection of them. I obviously didnt see this in you, and i cant believe the person you have become. I hope one day you wake up to realize your not ever going to find anyone like me ever again. I also know that your never going to be able to truely love anyone as much as you loved me ever again. That thought makes me smile, because it sucks for you. I put so much time and love into being with you that right now i dont have anymore to give. GOD I HATE YOU SO FUCKING MUCH. all i wanna do scream in your face watch you cry. WHY DID IT HAVE TO BE THIS WAY????? At the same time i just want to call you and tell you all the stuff i have done these past three months since you left my life. I went base jumping into the pacific ocean. i went on a road trip. i went to new york and hung out with jazz musicians. i have been doing so much to find myself again. After it was over i didnt know who i was anymore and i hate you for it. I had to apologize to all my friends for basically forgetting about them. Although they all forgave me and the friendships are way better, i know that i shouldnt have had to do that in the first place.

the aspect that makes me sad the most is......i dont want to hate you anymore, i still want to love you. BUT.......the only thing i have left to give you is the hate that you brought on. so fuck you, and i hope i never have to see you again.


In Repair