October 5th, 2006

hate

(no subject)

Every day I thank God that you're still in my life. I told you that.

I still love you. I told you that too.

But here's what I haven't told you: I'm selfish. I hate it, and I'm sorry. I know that what you're going through is so much harder than what I am. But I guess I have a hard time believing that your heart is in it. Don't get me wrong, I love hearing you tell me about how well your AA meetings are going, and about how your perspective is changing, and about how you're dealing with struggles. I love that you actually talk about what you're feeling. But I'm scared as hell. Because I don't think I could handle it if you don't make it through. You've never wanted to change before, and I'm worried that a part of you still doesn't want this change. And if you went back to getting drunk and doing coke and sleeping around and all that... it would fucking kill me. And that is so selfish of me.

You said you're scared as hell of a relapse. So am I, sweetie... so am I.

(no subject)

Dean.

I am so EXCITED youre coming up friday. I think i'll pee my pants. In fact, I know I will becuase I will definitely not be paying attention to my teachers. i am so excited. I wont tell you im sick though. i'll never tell! YOURE COMING UP WHETHER IM DIEING OR NOT. >:0

me.


NOOB.

well. this is awkward. you definitely have a girlfriend. and I toootally respect that and no matter what under any circumstance would i ever ever ever do anything knowing you have a girlfriend. .... .... but doesnt mean im not gonna flirt. cuase you are definitely a riot. dont hate me cuase im better than you. noob.

the NOT noob.

(no subject)

i dont get it how sometimes people are so fucking hippocritical. i dont get it how when someone if suppose to be your bestfriend betray you. When iwas going out with this guy that you hardly ever spoke to you got all close to him. and when he was going to break up with me you never told me anything, but when i told you i was thinking of it you go running off to him and telling him how does that work? Oh yeah and how bout when you knew that he was fucking cheating on me and said nothing about it? and how you said you werent allowed to tell and how you said he forced you to tell him if i was going to break up with him. He wouldnt have known if i was going to break up with him or not. Fucking bullshit. even if you werent my bestfreind, wouldnt a friend tell you if your boyfriend was cheating on you? we've known each other for about four years and youve known him then for what like a week? so you and his friendhsip means more? and now that youre going out with one of my friends, you keep acusing me of shit and how me and him are so close. you treat your boyfriend like shit and when people make fun of him you just laugh. thats fucking shit.  i dont see whats so bad about me and your fucking boyfriend being freinds i dont see any porblems. but when you start making him feel bad about him self i dont see why you guys should be with each other. And when you keep telling me to tell him to ask him to change himself and how he looks? uhh okay. youre a fucking bitch.