September 15th, 2006

love

You will find me here...the place you least expected me to be.

...in your room on the second floor!

Okay, so I don't think that's exactly how the song goes, but I'm changing it.

This letter is to you, Wonderful. And you, Miss.

If you even make that purse for her and not me...I'll refuse to believe that you care or ever did care about me. Sure, it's just an item, but it means a lot to me...you mean a lot to me.

And so do you, Miss. Wearing it if he made it would be a betrayal, and somehow not wearing it would be just as bad. It's like you stopped caring about how I feel and instantly side with him...all the time.

I'm cutting this short because my thoughts are scattered.

I don't know how I feel about being alone all the time...
lonely

(no subject)

dear friday,
you suck.
today was the worst day ever.
i've been extremely happy for the past two days and then you come and fuck up everything.
i love drama troupe and hanging out and having friends... why would you take that from me??
two awesome days. the whole year has been miserable, and i only get 2 days?! that's not fair...
it hurts so much to come down so hard from something so great.
why would he just hug her like that so lovingly and totally ignore me??
why would you show me that he still likes her and make me hurt even more than i already do??
i missed out on almost every single class today because i was too busy wallowing in effing misery.
oh, and of course i sit alone durring the free cos no one bothers to talk to the "skater punk girl" with the book cos she's too weird. and don't say it's my fault cos i wasn't gna go up to them and "interrupt" their "moment". it's weird enough as it is having to share...
and thanks for giving the bitch my seat next to the teacher. of course it's your fault that she has to want everything i ever had.
thanks.
and i can't belive he had to tell me that my shirt was see-through in the back how was i supposed to know?? i just thought everyone was staring at me like they normally do, not cos i looked like a whore.
i love how the one i'm trying to ignore so badly is the one you can't let me forget about.
but thank you so much for making it rain...♥ i needed people to think was normal today and not look at me the wrong way cos i'm crying.
love,
me
  • Current Music
    none of us are free --solomon burke

(no subject)

Dear someone I used to call best friend.

You seriously just dont get it anymore.
You were the one person since I was 14 that I could turn to for everything.
Boy, friends, school, parents. Everything. We talked about everything and were inseprable.
We were like sisters and promised nothing could change it.
Then this fuck of a boy comes along, cheats on you and yet you choose him over me.
Then you have the nerve to ask why I was being awkward towards you.
I have nothing to say to you anymore.
I dont recognise you at all.
Your this shell of the person you were and its because of him.
Last night I sat at Robs in tears because you called me from the gig we were meant to go to but took your boyfriend to instead.
Why? 
You know how excited I was about going but you felt the need to call and let him talk to me.
Why the fuck would I want to talk to the one person in 5yrs thats got between us?
Ive never left you for a boy, not once. 
When he breaks your heart again I dont even wanna know cos im done with it all.
Hope he makes you happy because you deserve each other.
Im gonna go move on with my life, with MY friends that actually give a damn about me.
Sorry that they dont get on with you I cant help that, they just seen you for what you were and didnt really like that at all.
Never thought I would see this side of it but times change I guess.

x

(no subject)

Dear Mother,
You make me miserable. Im constantly being yelled at over nothing. Sorry im being yelled at cuz im not you. I dont want to be you. I never did and never do. Im sorry im not a little princess that lets you dress her anymore. Im sorry that im not your "perfect" daughter you wanted. Im sorry im not a clone of all the other girls in my school. Im sorry that you hate me and feel the need to take you anger out at me. But im not sorry for being me. Im not sorry for having my own life and points of veiw. A different tase in music or lifestyle. I just wish maybe you would love me. And i know that im suppost to "know" you love me but you've told it to me once, a month ago, over the phone. It was the only time you've ever and probably will ever say it to me. and it hurts. which drives me to do the stupidest thing ive ever done.
love,
your daughter

Dear Best Friend,
This letter scares me the most. I can't bring myself to tell it to you or anyone in person because i know i will fianlly have to admit that its a problem i need to eleminate. I started again. Recently and i know i tell everyone that its behind me and no i dont do it anymore. But theres no other way i can get this pain out. And im sorry so sorry that i started. And i know you may find this; and i want you to know im so sorry i really am.
love,
your best friend

Dear little razorblade,
I hate you. I hate that i have to turn to you because i feel theres no other way out. I hate that it doesnt even hurt anymore, its just a numbing feeling. I hate the way everytime something goes wrong i turn to you. I think of you. and then use you. I hate that your in the back of my mind all the time. Whenever im in a horrible place. And i hate the feeling i get after i use you. I feel disgusted with myself. yet i cant throw you away. Because then i dont know what i would do. I have to give you up. Im done. I wish i never used you in the first place.
love,
the girl who's body you left with scars

(no subject)

dear you,
it made me so nervous to admit to being bisexual in front of you today, because for some reason i don't want you to think i stopped liking you. i certainly did not stop, i love you more than ever, i just would go out with girls and i love making out with them if they're actually a good kisser unlike some people we know. hahaa. well.. anyway, i still love you, but i've always been attracted to girls.
-me