September 14th, 2006

connor O

(no subject)

I am weak, I'll admit it.
I am paranoid, thats for sure.

They say that the things that you go through make you a stronger person. I totally agree. The things I have gone through in life have made me stronger. On the other hand, they have also ruined me in certain ways. Certain things have made me harder on my self, and more self concious and paranoid. Those things have certainly made me a stronger person in a sence, If those certain things happened to me again. I would be able to deal with them and I wouldn't break down. Now that they have happened to me. I have become afraid, I hold back my feelings. This is because I am worried about being hurt, taken advantage of, and having to cry more. Yes it does take more to hurt me now, so I have become stronger. Yet I still worry, and get hurt maybe just not as much, or maybe I just pretend I'm ok. I do let things pass by me more easily now, too many things have come and gone for me I'm sort of used to it, but hey its part of life. Every one has to deal with loss. So the question is, Do the things you experience through out life actually make you stronger? Or do they make you used to the pain, so it doesn't seem as bad? Or do they make it easier for you to hide pain in the future? I think that its a little bit of every thing? Yes I am stronger, but I still do hurt. I worry like crazy, even though I probably shouldn't. I am now just going to let things roll, If they are meant to work out then they will. If not, life goes on.

Thank you life, for making me semi-stronger.
  • Current Music
    Death Cab for Cutie - Transatlanticism

Quick Entry.

Damn. I feel so fucking back-stabbed.

From the following people:

-More Friends
-Even More Friends.

Did i mention Friends yet?

Fuck This Shit. Fucking.
My mum saw me crying today.
Sh asked me what was wrong.
I said people from school were being mean.
Well, self explanatory isnt it?
She told me to end the friendships with them.
Perhaps that's what i shall do.

Fucking. I hate it when you're friends back-stab you.
&& When they dont notice that you're the one who needs help.

My mum was right.
She told me not to pour my soul out to people.
Unfortunately i did. && Now they back-stabbed me.

I tell my friend i liked her boyfriend.
Stupid wasnt it?
Now all she did was pretend she still liked him && now they're all happy.

I find out my friend liked my recently detached ex && even worse, LIED to me.
Bad, Bad, Bad.

I have a fight with my BESTESTESTESTEST Bestie ever because we've both been ignoring each other for the last few weeks.
Well, i knwo i have at least.

Perhaps I'm just selfish?
Selfish for wanting someone to love me && for me to love them in return.
Selfish for wanting to come home with someone to ask how my day was, and to live the experiances i had had that day.
Selfish for wanting someone ALWAYS there for me and comfort me when i'm low.
Selfish for wanting someone to understand what i'm going through and not just pretend they know everything.
Selfish for wanting to not exist.

Perhaps I am. =\