August 31st, 2006

(no subject)

I love the fact that I havent once made contact with you. Your the one thats been calling me every day. I know its only been a few days but it makes me feel like theres something there and its not all just in my head. Im not making the effort for once you are. You call me just to see how my days going and just to say goodnight, which ends up in a 30min convo about absolute rubbish. 
I love it that you always call or txt me when I cant stop thinking about you. Its like you know whats going on in my head and it freaks me out like nothing else. 
I love that you feel comfortable enough just to call me when you need someone just to talk to about things. Even though most of it is about guitars and stuff, things I have no idea about but you still havent given up hope that youll teach me. 
I love it that you cant wait to see me on Saturday to hang out just like we used to.
Mister you still make me smile like a complete fool and I seriously wouldnt have it any other way.

Love you 


  • Current Music
    Thrice -- Red Sky
connor O

what happened?

What has happened?

We always had a spark, we talked and got along so well for years. Now that we have the opporitunity to go further with our feelings, the spark has dimmed. You took huge risk in getting involved with me, seeing as i just came out of a relationship with your best friend. That meant so much to me, that you risked every thing to be with me. We get a long and have so much in common. The first bit of summer we were so close and tried to spend as much time as possible together. We both worked basically every day, so it was really hard. But we managed. It was great. We would sit outside on summer nighst and talk till 4am. Where has that gone? now we are lucky to talk for 5 minutes over the phone. The past few days it has been a bit better. I don't want to stop this, i also dont want to force it.

You say you can't lose me, and that you have been going crazy lately with out me. Some times it just doesnt show I guess. This is where i have really come to believe the statement "actions speak louder than words". I know you do really like me, and that you have for a while. Im just starting to think that you dont like me as much as you think, you say you need me. People say you talk about me non stop, ya I think thats cute. I don't know, things have just been crazy lately. You start college on tues, I am excited for you! I hope we can see eachother more. Im not even the clingy type... its just i can not have a relationship that is based on talking or seeing eachother once a week or less.... That just doesnt work for me.

I don't know, it might be that I'm a little messed up from things in the past as well.. Being used, cheated on... Things like that have sort of made me afraid of getting attached to guys. Thats why i havent jumped into a relationship with you. Maybe thats why you are distant? I really don't understand waht has been going on. Last month every thing was perfect. Now its completely different. Im not sure if it can go back to the way it was. I feel that we have lost touch...
  • Current Music
    The Red Jumpsuit apparatus- Love seat


dear mother nature,
why, now, out of all the fucking times
why pick now for me to be this sick.
my tonsils are the size of my indx fingers and i've actually never seen them until today. they keep swelling and its almost impossible for me to swallow and im having trouble breathing.
i have way to much riding on me right now.
i cant get sick and let the drumline/band down.
i cant let my teachers and mom down.
i can't miss school.
fuck fuck fuck fuck.

i just want to cry.
and i never cry.
crying is for the weak.