August 11th, 2006

dark fairy

Here we go again..


Dear Mike,

I really do care about you. I can't believe all of this. It's kind of amazing.
You were talking to Julia last night, little do you know she felt obligated to tell me things that happened in this conversation. I'm sure she told you things I was saying too. So it kind of evens out. You said you wanted to be with me, and that it would probably last forever and that you were okay with that. You said I was perfect.. and I'm not, I know that I am far from it but... you said I was. I don't want to leave. I don't want to go to college. I never wanted to go to college but for some reason now I am. I really really don't. And I know she told you that you were one of the reasons I didn't want to leave. Because you said it was okay, and that you would wait, that you would wait forever for me. You said you would never forget me.... and you would always want me. So why are we not together? I don't understand... I wish I could have you.. for myself.. not just an occasional oh hey the girl's not around let's be couple-ish. You told her that you were happier with me.. and that you'd rather be with me but you can't just toss her and break her.
Mike.. you wanna know what scares me. I could see myself loving you. I could see me falling in love with you.. and I'm okay with that. I never want to lose you.

con affetto,
the girl who doesn't beleive in love,

..and I think I know
why you never get to close
it's 'cause your too scared to
when I'm with you there's
no point in breathing...
  • Current Music
    *Tie The Rope* ::The Format::
at peace

dear wls,

omg. our conversation last night was so...invigorating. i loved it so much i don't even care that i prolly spelled that wrong! lol!
no but seriously...i've been in love with you for so long. i want to be with you. the one you come home to, not just one your little hoochies. i want to be the woman you love.
but i can't do that if you're really in love with brittney. i know i don't know her but i really don't like her. and that's wrong but it's how i feel. she's not me and she's blocking you from loving me.
but we'll see. maybe if we keep talking like this you'll see that old emotions will come back to you too...
  • Current Music
    "Where'd You Go" Fort Minor

to the star

you really hurt me. You lied to me, and then you waited til we were all hurting and you shut me out. When I reacted (whether that reaction was right or wrong) you threw my reaction back in my face. You didn't even have the nerve to break up with me correctly. You let me fly over 3000 miles away, knowing you weren't going to want me to come back. You shut me out completely and then had the balls to act shocked when I called you on it. You were spineless and a giant lying coward. I will never trust anyone the same again. You are a cold and heartless creature, and actually I wish you the best. Because I don't need to let you ruin me, even though you tried.

(no subject)

Dear Luigi,
I really want you to read this journal. I know I covered it up before when it was on my computer screen but when you left I wished I hadn't. If you read this somehow you should tell me if you want to read it, even though I don't think you even know what this community is =/. I don't know. I want someone to know how I actually feel all of the time and you're the only person I don't feel nervous about knowing my thoughts. Ugh, whatever I'm sorry.