May 29th, 2006

(no subject)

Dear the best thing that ever happened to me,

Its killing me we broke up over things we couldnt control. You are my life and I hate you want to just be friends. How can I be friends with the one person that means everything to me. You were my everything for little under a year now im supposed to just forget it all? I hate the idea of you hanging out with those girls that wanted you when we were togehter. You aren't mines, why should I care? I hate that I love you. I hate that I let you know EVERYTHING about me and i've never let anyone know the things you know about me know. I hate you told me everything about you and we had no secrets. I hate it that my friends and your friends all got on well and everything was so easy from the start. Why has it all gone and why do I still feel this way about you? Why can we still talk about every little thing like nothing matters? I need you more than you know or even care. Why do you need to be so nice to me and so understanding that it hurts more than if you were a complete asshole to me. I hate I cant get angry at you because you still help me when times get hard and still hug me like nothing else matters. Fuck it you are perfect for me why the cant you see it. Why does everyone else think we should give it another try but we never do? I need you. I know I sounds desperate but you are my everything. I love you more than I thought I could love anyone and its killing me feeling like this. Please just feel this way Please. We talk and you make me feel normal, you make everything thats wrong in my life go away. You make the tears turn into smiles and take the pain away in an instant. I hope you feel this way. Life was perfect for a year and now nothing makes any sense without you. You kill me with a single hello.

Love your silly dreamer.
x
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(no subject)

dearest.
the beach was great. im thanking you for it. not that its anything special to you, but i just thought im dying (not) to tell you that it meant the world to me. the annoying wind, the hot sun, being kinda crowded. the drunken hike. strawberry thievery. everything. you may be wondering why im sounding this pathetic, i mean more than usual. well, because though we left it unsaid, we both know that i wasn't supposed to be there with you. it was supposed to be one of the worst days of the year for me. you were supposed to be with one of your friends or that guy. but one thing worked out right. i dont know if thats actually better, but im almost felt complete that day. my only regret you see is that, it left me with more questions that you'll never answer, you'll never hear. i had a moment of repeated prolificacy. after thinking it over, i have come to realize that happiness comes in pinches and splashes, letting us taste a bit of what seems like to me, an absence of reality. and sends us grasping down to unforgiving doom. in other words, a real cruel joke. but though a time like that would never come again, and i believe this to be true, a lifetime of shame and bitterness, i think, would be a fair trade for a day like that.
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