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I'm living in your letters.. Breathe deeply from this envelope
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Friday, April 14th, 2006

Time Event
Dear you,
I really need you to talk to me. I know it must be weird for you, having me still love you but please just say something. It would even be alright if you said you hated me and you wished I didn't like you because I'm a complete loser. I just want to know how you feel. It really hurts that you won't tell me. I need to know because it's killing me. It hurts so much that I cannot stay with my current boyfriend any longer. I don't feel for him like I do for you. No one understands how much I love you. I don't know why I do, especially since I was the one who wanted to break up over a year ago. This situation is making me mentally and physically sick. I don't think I can take this pain much longer. I love you. I wish I had the guts to say all of this to you..

Current Mood: disappointed
Dear You-

You damn stoner. I have the worst luck. Whenever I see you, I look horrible. I saw your girlfriend of a long time today. She has nice eyes, everything else though? I wouldn't date her. but I'm sure she has an amazing personality or something. Whatever it is that she has- I'm glad that you found it in her. I'm glad that you're happy but I hate the fact that you broke my heart. I don't know if I was in love with you- but I know that I loved you. And I'm sorry that even after two years, I'm still not all the way over you. It could maybe be the way things ended or the fact that I think I might still like you that gets me. Regardless, my affections need to go on to other people. But I keep getting hurt, and I know that it's part of life, getting hurt, but it's annoying as hell. You're a good person, and I don't like the fact that you ignore me whenever you see me. I'm sorry. I'm sorry that you hate me and that I was so bitter when that stuff happened. It wasn't your fault.
but who's fault was it? I know it wasn't my fault. You forgot about me. Maybe it was the weed- but that's just stupid. You can't remember you had a girlfriend? Bullshit? Maybe. I don't know the truth. All I know is that I truely cared for you and you just.. spat on it. You spat on my love for you. I wanted you to do better things than be an assistant plumber and live with your bestfriend. Maybe I was over ambitious. Maybe you're just destined to stay in this small town forever, being the resident stoner with nothing to show for it but a beat up car and your bestfriends folks house.

whatever. I'm through with these pesky emotions for you. It's not worth anything.

I'm going to write a letter tonight, to you, and burn it. then I'll do what I do best- listen to music and write a poem about how much this sucks. but I refuse to let you have a hold on my heart anymore. I'm better than you.
And you know it.

Current Mood: bummed out

So you're with some other chick now.
An open relationship, but still.
You guys have sex like whoa.
And you tell her you love her.
Do you, really?
I think you say it to appease her.
You have no love for anybody.
Especially not for yourself.
You're throwing your life away.

The tears I cry aren't for myself anymore.
They're for you.

I haven't talked to you since your birthday.
And that sure was messed up.
You were wasted.
At 5 in the afternoon.

You're such a fucking charmer.
Why the hell did I ever let myself fall for you.

dear N,

I love you, more than anyone before, and anyone to come.
someday ill find a way to make you realize this.

1 ||x

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