April 8th, 2006

kitty 2.0
  • joyful

not going to be used anymore

Dear Cusa,

You will probably read this, so know this: I loved you. You were a good friend when I had few. But no matter how much I cared for you, I knew you were manipulating me. I was trying to do the same. Both of us are drama queens, maybe that's why we mesh and clash at the same time.

We both made a lot of mistakes. I never should have dated Possum, and we never should have gone "bowling." Iknow that that night should never have happened. Maybe that's what split us, or maybe it was when I found out you were cheating on Shiro.

Or maybe it was when you told ArmyChris I was bulimic. Truth or not, it was my new to tell. I can't pinpoint the exact minute, but at some point you turned on me.

When you and Shiro broke up, you begged me to spend time with him. You begged me to try and get him to date me. You begged me to get him "off your back." But as soon as I started spending time with him, you got made.

You're very selfish, you know? It seems to me that the entire school is your private little RPG, and you want to move the characters around, and make them do what you wish.

I still love you, though I don't like you right now. I hope you'll return to the sweet girl we all knew and loved. But if you don't, know I love you not matter what, even if I don't respect your life choices.


wonka candy vs liquor

Late at night, I think of you and smile.


I love you. I'm sorry about having to make you reschedule the double date that you had planned. I feel bad, but you want me to keep even the sketchy plans I make. And I respect that because a lot of our problems have come from me ditching you. And I don't like that, and if I ditch anyone, it causes the process to be easier. And I'm not doing that anymore.

I had a good time last night. It was just way too crowded, and that's ok. I was fine, mostly. And the times I wasn't I got over it. It was fun, and I loved it. You've introduced me to so many cool new artists, and I love it.

And it amazes me that you put up with me and my stupidities. I know I'm crazy, and you shake your head at me, but it's ok. I'm still happy that you and I are together. Because I love you. And I don't know where I'd be without you. You've helped me through so much. And it means the world to me. And I need to start showing you I love you, and I appreciate all you do for me in different ways than I have been. I need to do it more with my actions, than with my words. Because just telling you with words and not backing it up with actions doesn't do a whole lot, for anybody. So I'm going to do that.

I'm excited about the other double date thing though. That should be fun. I'm just going to have to make sure my cell has service for the whole time, so Rachel doesn't get a call from my mom, and have to make shit up. Because that wouldn't be all that much fun. But I'm sure we can pull it off.

I love you, and I hope I talk to you sometime soon.

Your loving girlfriend.

Other Half,

Why do you act so confusingly? You barely acknowledge me in 2nd hour, unless your other friends are not there. Which is not fun for me/the other friends. And your other friends, yeah. They don't like us. Which is awesome...not.

You say you wanna hang out with me/you miss me/you're sorry for ignoring me. But how can I believe that when you don't SHOW me? Honestly, I don't get it. It doesn't make sense to me. There's nothing else for me to do, because I've brought it up to you on multiple occasions, but nothing changes. And I don't think anything is going to change anytime soon.

And I'd love to tell you all about this, but I don't know if I could. I don't know if it would change anything, because you know you ignore us. And yet you don't stop. I guess, all I can say is thanks for making me feel like you really care. You say you do, but you have too many friends and not enough time. And when we do hang out, you leave earlyish or want to do something with more than just me. And I don't like that at all. Anyways, just be more of a friend to me, plz.

Your semi-ignored Other Half.
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