April 1st, 2006

(no subject)

dear Heart,

i admit. i owe you an apology. on my last entry in here, i told you that you && brain needed to shut up for once. but i was wrong. one of you, i haven't figured out which yet, always seems to be a step ahead of me. i perfer to think it's you, heart. cos you're the one that doesn't do all the logical thinking. you take instinct && run with it. brain has to think everything out && figure out all possible scenarios && all possible outcomes to all possible scenarios. but one of you was right this time. or perhaps both. && i thank you.

even though you're just parts inside my body, i'm glad i have this particular heart && this particular brain. even if this letter doesn't make any sense. that's the beauty of this. it doesn't have to.

signed,
bek
___________

dear Randy,

you've been home for a week today! i'm so excited! you seem so happy!

&& you're right.

everytime i see you, i'm going to scream "RANDY, I LOVE YOU && I'M GLAD YOU'RE ALIVE!"

cos i fuckin' am, kidd. && i'm glad you're with your mum now, not your dad.

love always,
bek
__________

dear tommy,

don't jump off that bridge like i requested in my last letter. i love how we fight, go two months without talking, then a mere comment on a xanga && suddenly, everything picks off like it never stopped. we can still talk on the phone with no silences, make each other laugh hysterically about things that no one will ever understand && make the other feel better when one makes a complete ass of themselves.

i hated the fight we had. but i'm grateful for it. because i did realize that i don't need you to live.

but i also realized that not having you in my life is more pain then i'd ever want to imagine ever again.

i always said friends til the bitter end. you always asked why it had to be bitter. it doesn't. but that's how it seems to work between us, eh?? but you wanna know a secret??

i wouldn't have it any other way.

we take the term dysfunctional && make it look cool.

love always,
bek
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    waves goodbye- from first to last
konstantine5

like it's your last.

do what you want but it's not yourself you'll ruin. 
and it wont be you standing at arms length but not able to reach them.
it wont be you who are on their own discovering that giving people what they want is not always the best option.

it always seems as if people don;t know what they have until it has left them for someone else who does.

but all of those who think they know what they have, get betrayed...

better to have loved than never to have loved at all...

but would that really be true if the love you gave was all to someone who turned out not to give a shit? wouldn't it just show you that the most love you could give was not good enough for someone.